Sunday, April 1, 2007

Bubblehead Blind Item of the Week...Or tell me this was an April Fool's joke. Please!

No comment needed, really. Too good not to share. (I'd have thunk it was an April Fool's joke, but nooo, it's for real...)

"This isn't fanfic per se as opposed to a "Jack and Kate Diary-esque" account of my perceptions as to what J/K were thinking & feeling (in my opinion of course) during MFT, based on what happened on screen as well as their characters history.

I tried to spend some time really analyzing the scenes, & I hope folks find it accurate as well as enjoyable. ... I also interjected a few visuals for entertainment value...I guess I should say it's mainly PG maybe PG-13 ish in some parts for a twinge of stronger words.

Pardon the length & here we go.

Kate moves toward Jack like he's a timid deer ready to bolt if not approached with caution. So she stops to observe him & is taken back by the paradoxical beauty & unsettling nature of the melancholic melody resonating from his keystrokes. The domesticity of the display confusing her as to if this nuance was merely something about him she hadn't yet discovered, or a byproduct of his assimilation into the Others...He feels her presence & it disrupts his music midstream, almost as if their connection had filled him with its own metaphysical symphony, as opposed to having heard or seen her out of the corner of his eye...Shock & worry flood his senses, not only because she is here placing herself in peril, but because he couldn't believe that she had come back for him...Sarah had gone on with her life, never looking back. Her cutting words the remnants of their relationship that haunted Jack like a ghost "it doesn't matter who he is, all the matters is who you're not"...He had been left her, by Achara, by his father. And as a result Jack didn't believe he was worth returning for, let alone being loved... But here standing before him was Kate, a woman whose worst fear is arguably captivity, & more than that, who had suffered a traumatic experience at the hands of the ppl who now held him captive...This simply didn't make sense, she's in love with Sawyer, isn't she?

They stare at each other for a few moments, paralyzed with the consciousness that they're in the same space together with no physical barriers between them..Kate is especially overcome with the realization that Jack is within reach, so all her shaken nerves can manage is a timid & short winded "Hi"..Jarred out of her reverie by his biting warning "They're watching me!", her heart races & her eyes begin to well with moisture. She has to move toward him, has to touch him before the chance is taken away...He barks at her to go, but this time her rebuttal isn't an insecure I can't rather than I'm not. The subtle change in verbiage & adamant tone replacing the unsuredness of when she had first resisted leaving without him. As well as indicating the clarity she had found about her feelings for him during his absence..She had felt half alive, half of herself then, & getting him back was the only way to be whole again.

Upon the guards entering chaos ensues & Kate's path to Jack is impeded before she can confirm that he's real or feel the security of his embrace...He yells in panic for them not to hurt her & then like a storm that has come to pass, goes to that place inside himself that can only be described as an eerie calm. The sudden alteration in his demeanor serving to perplex Kate even further.. In actuality, his mind is swirling like an eddy, but out of instinct he had reigned himself in knowing he'd make the situation worse to act on what he was really feeling...Agitation, anger, & fear bubbled like lava under his surface while watching them point a gun to her head. Just like when the bearded man had pressed the cold steel against her neck in the jungle...Jack implores Kate to answer the question, & lets out a labored breath he wasn't aware he was holding when she acquiesces.

Hours go by in an eternity, but then the rickety hinges whine on the pool hall door...Kate's pupils widen & her movement stills as Tom's figure crowds the frame of the woodwork..."I didn't think I'd see you again so soon, Kate"..Her adams apple stalls & muscles tense, until Jack comes into view, then an irregular pulse is added to the mix...And as quickly as they were separated, Jack & Kate are alone.

Jack stands near the entrance trying to gage how close to her he should could get. Both because he is cognizant they are listening & watching, but also because he knows that when it comes to Kate, his resistance is low. One look into the emerald of her eyes, one glance at the curve of her lips & it would unravel him, & he couldn't afford that now. Not for the sake of his plan, & surely not for the sake of his heart. He had to keep his distance & there weren't any glass walls here to do it for him. So he grabbed a metal chair & set it what seems like miles away from Kate...A slight pause, then he spoke in a detached manner that betrayed the recollection going through his mind of how her face had contorted & became stained with tears asking her the same thing just days ago.. "Did they hurt you?"..He did care, didn't want to because it hurt too damn much, but he did. And he especially didn't want them or her to see it...She volleyed his words back to him & the awkwardness of the exchange wasn't lost on either of them. What was normally their system of checking in with each other, had become a measuring tool as to where they stood with one another.

Kate couldn't wrap her brain around what was happening here...this wasn't him, this wasn't her Jack. They had to have done something to him & the mere thought of it incensed her. So she pressed on as he had in the Hydra, desperate & determined to get the truth. .."What did they do to you?".."Nothing".."Then why are you acting like this?"..Jack felt a tinge of discomfort, like he had been pricked with a barbed needle. She had struck the sharp note in him he had been trying so hard to avoid. The one that threw the rest of his song out of balance, & for as much as it stung, it was a warning he was letting himself feel again...He couldn't possibly explain what it was like to see her lying naked on Sawyer's chest; how that had made his heart seem as if it were being squeezed in a vice until it would implode,...The way it had crushed his hope for a life with her that he couldn't believe she had made him dream about,..How he loved her beyond what he thought was possible & wanted her to be happy, but couldn't bear to watch her be with another man...And that he was powerless now to help anyone except to leave the island to bring rescue... It was all just too complicated to verbalize so he tripped over his tongue...Kate wasn't satisfied with his answer...She needed to know, needed to understand. She had risked her life to bring him home, but it wasn't that that made frustration & anxiety stick to her insides like molasses. It was feeling like he was slipping away from her...Her mercury rose in an useless exercise to cauterize the fear "I came here to help you so why don't you just tell me..", but her sentence was eclipsed by the release of pressure that had been building in Jack since she had asked him why... "I told you not to come back here for me!!"..."I didn't think you meant it"...But he did for a plethora of reasons that slowly began to wash up over his features.

She had never seen him like this..broken, as vulnerable as a lost little boy, & like the light had syphoned out of his spirit. It scared her despite her first instinct being to wrap him in her arms & tell him it would be alright, as he had done for her many times in the past..She hated that he was in so much pain & would do anything to fix it. But in this rare glimpse into the side of him he kept guarded, she knew he would retreat to where she couldn't reach if she didn't close the gap between them gradually. Not to mention there was still a part of her that was afraid this was not the man she knew & loved. So she stepped forward tentatively, carefully watching his face to determine how close he'd permit her come.

Jack's body stayed statuesque in contrast to his mind which had launched into conscious REM as he struggled to keep himself in an emotional straight jacket. Emulated externally by his crossed arms. He jumped at Kate's touch as if an electric pulse had been shot through him, although his internal dialogue resisted No, I can't...but it's Kate...As she kneeled down his eyelids fluttered in rapid succession like a metronome trying to pace his surge of emotions in vain, & his hand involuntarily opened before he could process her proximity. He was holding on again. He couldn't let go of her anymore than she could leave him behind.

Jack forced his lungs to take in air & his swallow abraded his throat since it had been rendered dry the moment she had gotten near...Kate shut her eyes & exhaled in response to the feeling of having finally made contact with him...They hovered inches apart, the heat of their breath like tractor beams longing to draw them closer..She is the first to raise her head & Jack reluctantly follows. He knows he will not be able to withstand this for much longer, he's losing control. And his temple still hurts from the swirling thoughts about what all of this means..."What did they do to you Jack?"..In one last attempt to maintain his distance, he calls upon the compartmentalization he's often used as a doctor to deliver his next line as matter of factly as possible.. "I made a deal with them.. they're going to let me go"...Kate crinkles her brow in feigned confusion. "Where?". She knows where, it's just her extraordinary capacity for denial & propensity for self punishment that needs to hear it out loud...Jack didn't want to do this, didn't want to see the look on her face, so it takes him awhile to gather the strength to formulate the word. He has to smile to himself & her by default at the absurdity of it. Sure he wanted to get off the island, but not this way. They had both been dreading this day ever since they sat by the campfire what seemed like a lifetime ago. His arm tender like a broken wing, resting in the slipshod sling she had made for him..It was perverse irony that he was leaving alone, but he felt like he had no choice- it was their only option, so he said it...."Home"...Home to what? It was wherever she was. Then again he reminded himself that was part of the reason he thought it was best that he go.

Kate froze & she immediately felt the salt of tears start to burn her irises....Jack searched her face, grimacing at how the sweet/sour juxtaposition of love/anguish distorted her delicate features. He knew Kate cared for him deeply, but what he saw in her eyes made him question if it was more than he had thought...All she could do was nod & chew on her lip to pacify the urge to plead with him to stay, because for as much as it hurt like hell to let him go, she really did want him to be free of this place. If anyone deserved it, it was Jack.

They couldn't look at each other anymore, the emotion was too raw, & it was like if they did it would give credence to the fact he was leaving..When?.."First thing in the morning"...Sensing her pain Jack had to do something to make it better.."I can bring back help it's our best chance"... "You trust these people? Why would you...." ..Suddenly his resolve snapped like a twig. "I trust them because you told me to, Kate..when you, asked me to save Sawyer's life.". He hadn't intended to let it slip out, hadn't wanted to hurt her. Actually he had done everything he could to avoid it..Damn it why did she have to come back here? But the truth was while he wasn't blaming her for the position he was in, it was none the less factoring into his decision.

Reality hit Kate like a freight train. The Others didn't hurt Jack, I did . She felt her throat close in on itself & it was as if her ribcage had become too small for her chest. This was much worse than the numerous regrets she had in her life, including sleeping with Sawyer. She didn't know whether to panic that Jack might know, or to take it as a twisted compliment that his feelings for her had had such an impact on him...Either way, something had shifted inside her the couple weeks they were separated. Gone was the need to run, to hide. Kate was prepared to fight for Jack even if that meant battling her demons, so she changed positions until they were face to face.."Jack, what did they tell you?". She needed know what he did, & to set the record straight on any truth that the Others had manipulated. And she was so focused on doing so, that she nearly missed how Jack was longingly staring at her.

Almost as if on que, the hall door whined again like an attention starved brat & the blond woman entered.. Jack & Kate clung to each other, tightening their grips as if they anticipated the purpose for the intrusion..."Jack, we have to go"... Kate clenched her jaw, listening intently in hopes that he would reject the summons..I'll be right there. In an instant, it felt like the wind had been knocked out of her...When Jack turned around he was disappointed to find that she had spun on her heels & pulled away. And he lamented about how his hands grew colder as they adjusted to being without the warmth of hers.

Kate didn't know what to do with herself. Didn't know how to sit, how to feel, what to say. He wasn't even gone yet & already it was like everything had spun off its axis, making her nauseous & disoriented....Seeing her pained, Jack's voice trembled as he choked back emotion in order to softly speak.. "I told you not to come back here for me & I wish, I wish that you hadn't"..It was both blatantly honest & a lie at the same time, & she ached at the sound of it, shaking her head in disbelief as if would make the feeling go away...Above all Jack hadn't wanted her to go through being held captive again & he especially didn't want her harmed. He wouldn't leave until he was guaranteed she'd be safe. But his words also reflected how he had known that it would gauge his heart out with a dull blade to see her & be reminded of what he witnessed on those monitors. Oddly enough though, since she had gotten here he was reminded of something much he loves her. There was no disdain or disgust when he looked into her eyes, so the pain caused by her ignoring his plea to not come back, took on another meaning now. Namely if he had underestimated her feelings for him & how damn hard it was to say goodbye. Even in having the comfort that he'd return soon..There wasn't any question in his mind that rescue was the top priority, so for that reason alone it was necessary to follow through with his decision. Although he couldn't help but have residual doubt as to if he could trust Ben...Too exhausted & beaten down to wrestle with his mind, it came down to one thing, he had to, which ironically made him understand why Kate had said the same thing to him once. And it was in part what he meant by I trust them because you told me to.

Wanting to give her one last reassurance that everything would be ok, Jack closed the distance between them...Sensing him behind her, her stomach tied itself in knots & her body rose when she felt his tepid breath caress her ear. Then in a tender yet furtive whisper, he made his own promise that he had every intention of keeping..I will come back here for you...A shiver ricocheted off her vertebrae down the length of her spine. As usual his voice had an effect on her she couldn't explain. Not the least of which was imparting hope despite the knowledge he would never find this place again burning a hole in her conscience & heart.

Reluctantly Jack made his way to the door & Kate tried to focus on anything but the deafening sound of the man she loved walking out of her life forever...He paused, feeling like something wasn't quite right, but then pushed on through his instincts as he did the exit. He was gone, or so Kate thought. Little did she know that nothing in the world would keep them apart. Not in this life, or the next."

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