Thursday, April 5, 2007

Girl Talk

After the Jerry Springer promos for this episode, I think I speak for many fans when I say it actually was a pleasant surprise! Kate talked to girls the whole episode (except erm, for her requisite weekly penance session with Jack). She talked to her mommy dearest. She talked to her new BFF, Juliet. She talked and bonded and almost got all Thelma and Louise with Sawyer's baby mama. It felt sorta strange seeing Kate without a couple of men around her. Of course the only thing she talked to any of the girls about was...uh, men...but hey, gotta start someplace.

They talked about bad guys and wrong guys and guys you jest cain't help lovin'. They talked about guys who betray you and guys who beat your mom and guys who watch you on videotape having sex with another guy. They talked about guys who want to put you in jail and guys you want to put in jail and little girly guys who get all weepy with a 'broken heart' if you don't bang them...and then leave you flat in handcuffs to get killed by creeps with gasmasks and automatic weapons. Oh, man, they talked about that one - the widdle bwoken heart traitor one - a lot. Couldn't shut them up!

But you know what they didn't talk about? They didn't talk about HOW the Others have this really sweet town with lights and toilets right there in the middle of mystery island - like where's the power plant? They didn't talk about how Juliet got there or why she wanted to handcuff herself to Kate and run around getting her ass kicked. No mention of why Juliet's friends kidnapped Kate, or why she was breaking rocks or why these freaks didn't just give Kate and Sawyer a nice room with a jacuzzi and room service and shit if they wanted them to have videotape sex! Doesn't Kate have any curiosity? All she wants to know is if Jack's widdle heart is really and truly broken. She finds out Juliet is a liar with her pants on fire, and still doesn't ask any questions, like how did Juliet know where to find Jack? Kate has really got to start smartening up.
The Labyrinthine Love Triangle
This episode was like all the shipper dogwhistles in the Lost romantic universe all went off at the same time at slightly different frequencies.. Can anyone tell me just exactly what the writers were getting at here? Let's try a few theories:
-Jack is the man Kate can't help lovin'.Just like her dear ole maw. Kate's mom was addicted to a dirty dog who hit her. But Kate has progressed to being addicted to a brilliant surgeon

...who leaves her in handcuffs with killers. At least she's trying to move up in social class!

Or maybe this episode was more about that man who hurt Kate's soulmate Cassidy... You know who that is. The dirty bad no-good cage sex freak hillbilly...

..."The wrong man!" Eh? But maybe only wrong for Cassidy, cuz....

He was acting a lot less wrong back on the beach.

... I think we'll come back to this particular dogwhistle a little later, ok?

Getting back to poor fucked up Kate, she has a big problem given that her mother was a mean soul shriveling bitch. Who not only made her kid grow up in hell, but was also actively assisting the federal marshalls to get Kate arrested. Kate loved this witch so much she ....uh, committed a bizarre and totally unbelievable crime to save her. BUT Kate was wrong (obviously) to try and help this woman...Just like she was wrong to try and help Dr. Prick...who threw her in jail in handcuffs with people a whole lot skeerier than U.S. Federal Marshalls.....

So, trying to hear through all the screeching of the dogwhistles, I think one primary message did emerge, one obvious conclusion about who Jack represents in Kate's heart and mind:

... ta dum! Kate's original hero - MOMMY!

And now for some delightful refreshment...(Too bad we can't add some reggae music)

Sun is not so easily charmed by that charming smile...

Sawyer is crestfallen...

This JULIET is one weird chick.
What IS up with Juliet? She has a lot more than just that handcuff key up her sleeve. So she handcuffed herself to Kate. Which means she wasn't gassed? She just decided to handcuff herself and what - carry? - Kate into the jungle and pretended to be gassed? She didn't know about the monster but she knew it "doesn't like our fence"? (It must be noted the Monster did seem to want something from Juliet the way he flashed her...and she did seem genuinely terrified.) She also knew exactly where Jack was. Where he had been gassed. Or...had he?

Somethings up with these two.

Jack seems to need to know where she is every second and she seems to know waaaay too much highly personal information for a guy she just met. Come to think of it, that stalkerish tendency she has is another nice way Juliet mirrors Jack. ... . Hmm, what are they getting at here?

"Letters to Fishbiscuit"

Dear Fishbiscuit,

What the fuck is wrong with these Jate mother-fuckers. I'm reading fucking shit about how:

1. Kate was wrong to make her own sexual choices and owes repentance to Jack for it.

2. Kate was wrong to disobey Jack and follow her own instincts that he needed rescue.

I know feminism has taken a big mother-fucking back step in recent years, to the point where women often feel empowered by dissing the very fucking idea of it, but how can people say this bullshit and still call themselves modern women?

Fucking bewildered as all hell.
The Female Eunuch.

Dear Fishbiscuit,
Apparently there were some Jaters out there who pumped their fists in the air screaming 'Take that Bitch-whore!' when Kate debased herself yet again in a humble apology to Jack who continued to act like the monumental prick and ass-munch that we all know he is.

Can you explain to me how anyone finds this romantic?
The Female Gender

Fishbiscuit opens the floor to the comments section for an answer on this one. Fishbiscuit is as perplexed as the rest of you.

And ZOMGZ did you see that promo? Kate walks right up to SoySoy and gives him a big fat SKUG! Right in front of Jack! And Muffin! Oh, wow, do you think that means Jack will turn to JuJu now to kiss his booboos? It's like instead of just one-j jex we might end up with JJex! But first maybe some JJisses and some JJugs *giggle* One thing's for sure, between SoySoy and JuJu next week, we're in for some FunFun. *pullshairout*

Credit to Spunky at L-F for the above animation.

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