Sunday, April 15, 2007

The Riddle of the Sphinx

Who is Juliet?

This is the sixty four billion dollar question, isn't it? And it's not as if we got any answers this episode. Juliet is a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a very pale, blue eyed blank slate of a face. To be fair to her, the girl has been through the MILL. I don't think there's any doubt there. I mean, we haven't seen her daddy issue yet, but where would they even fit it in. She's some kind of idiot savant genius who married a cruel control freak who she wished into being hit by a bus. She is a loving sister

who nonetheless abandoned her family for her career...And man, is she a devoted employee.

...She's also Ben's confidante who continuously trusts and conspires with Ben

despite him repeatedly tricking her and backing out on his deals with her. That's where the idiot part comes into the savant, I guess. She's devious. She's trusting. She's angry

She's flirty.

She's vulnerable.

She's cold.

She has one very special talent - she makes this guy

actually bearable to watch. (Well, sorta.) And most of all she's someone

who wants to go home. Because there's no place like home...So maybe she's just innocent, little Dorothy? ... Um, no. I think that would be a faulty assumption. This chick is hardcore.

The first annual "Finally Someone Asks a Question" Awards:

2nd Runner Up: What the hell is SHE doing here?

Not only did they ask the right question up front here, but for once they gave us a bit of answer. Juliet's trip to the beach was planned long ago, when Ethan did his creepy medical experiments on poor, pretty Clare. It seems the girl brought home a souvenir and didn't even know it, a handy little implant the Others can trigger when it suits them for her to sicken and bleed and die. There goes the last thread holding up Ben's "We're the good guys" claim. Of course, this was all timed so Juliet could revive the little mommy and establish her bona fides with the gang. But still...why? Why does she need their trust? What is she going to do to them? How will this help her get home? And why is this friggin doofus

so willing to help her do it?

1st Runner Up: Who are you people and why are you terrorizing us?

OK, when the great Sayid finally broke the ice and asked this simplest of all questions, my jaw all but dropped off my face. Baby, I thought you'd never ask! I mean, Jack spent a week being fed sandwiches and cartoons by Juliet and he never thought to ask it. Locke waltzed around Ben's cottage appraising the upholstery and he never thought to ask it. Kate spent a day and a night joined at the wrist, with Juliet at her complete mercy and couldn't form a thought more coherent than "does Jack still like me?" It took Sayid to speak for the unwashed masses out here and just ASK. And he might have gotten an answer too, if it hadn't been for Dr. Dickhead breaking on the scene. Which leads to our next question.

First Place: Why are you siding against every one of US and sticking up for one of THEM?

Go, Sawyer! Man, this was a great moment. More of these please. Sawyer standing down St. Jackass. I could watch that every week...And he asks a damn good question. Why is Juliet under Jack's protection? Is it because he wants her under something else? Or because he likes her jokes? Like when she joked about lying to Kate and dragging her through the jungle. Jack liked that a lot.

Or maybe he's one step ahead of her, keeping his enemy close. In which case it's a little odd that he chose the place for her tent

right where she could sit above them all and keep her eagle eye on them. That was nice of Jack. Maybe they're just getting each other home, like they say they are. Or maybe....just like Juliet is cutting her separate deal,

so is The Doctor formerly known as a Saint. Where was he the night after the sub exploded? While Juliet was cutting her kitchen table deal with Ben? Why did it take this burly dude 24 times as long to wake up from the gas as it took those two skinny girls? What is this fucker really up to? Come on, LOST, don't cop out on us. Promise us you're going somewhere cool with Jack. Because really, we have put up with this obnoxious schmuck long enough.

It's time for the payoff. Do you get me? I. Am. Serious.

Let's compare Reunion Scenes, shall we?

When Jack and Kate reunited we got dark interiors.

We got tears. We got Kate on her knees in handcuffs. We got Jack in charge, blaming her for his decision to run away and leave them all. We got Kate apologizing and degrading herself. Remember that? Wasn't it sweet?

When Sawyer and Kate reunited we got sunlight. We got the beach. We got the sweet, beautifully romantic music. We got the world standing still

stepping aside

and witnessing

true, simple, unconditional LOVE.

I don't really think we need to comment any further on this except to say...durrr, this was not a cinematographic accident. They are giving this to us in big bold letters now, boys and girls.Jate = creepy, scary, nasty, dark. Skate= beautiful, warm, sunny, lump in your throat, butterflies in your belly LOVE.

Name a Ship

This is a fun game a lot of online Lost fans seem to enjoy. I think this episode really gave us quite a windfall:

I mean we did get the always smoking hot Jate moment where they...broke dead wood and mumbled.

That was ... dull, as usual.

And there were some touching PB&J moments,

although they continue to have all the sexual charisma of a pair of second graders sharing naptime.

There was a little Julyid... about eye sex, eh?

And if you want hand sex, I think you have to give at least a look to Suliet now.

Can't deny the chemistry.

There was some Goodiet

which shouldn't be tossed aside, just because Goodwin is a little bit non living. True shipperss don't let those minor details dissuade them. After all Darlton do keep promising a zombie season.

And for those who are into those kind of things, there was actually a millisecond of Jawyer.

And of course Jack continues his adorable pattern of being involved in totally twisted, mentally ill relationships.

If anything, this episode only gave the Jacketeers more grist for their ever twisting mill.

But in the end, as always, there was really only one romantic moment that made your stomach flip.


But back to business. What IS Juliet's game? What is Ben's game? More importantly, what is Jack's game? In the end, it probably all comes down to this.

People do not survive plane crashes like this. Not all intact and unharmed and pretty like our characters here have. Someone wants these people. But who? And why?

We don't know yet. But one thing we do know is that the fix

is definitely in.

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