Thursday, November 30, 2006

I Want a Man...

I want a man who assumes he's in charge without regard to what anyone else thinks.

I want a man who firmly believes that anyone with an opinion differing from his own is wrong. Period.

I want a man who will scream me into submission and tears when he wants answers from me.

I want a man with no more patience than a small child.

I want a man with so little trust of his parents that he will physically attack them ... in public.

I want a man whose personal obsessions allow him to ignore the needs of those around him.

I want a man who will stalk me if I try to break up with him.

I want a man who will hesitate if I have a gun to my head.

I want a man who will dictate to me and never ask my opinion.

I want a man furrier than a latch hook rug.

I want a man well on his way to having more tatoos than Tommy Lee. (maybe he thinks the tats were the "big" deal on that famous Tommy tape.)

I want a man who is ... Jack.

If I ever say any of these things, I wish someone would just shoot me in the head, because I will have clearly taken leave of all my frakking senses. Read more...

Monday, November 27, 2006

It's MY Lost show and I'll cry if I want to...

You know what just makes me roll my eyes and snort with amusement? The way the Bubbleheads natter on about being betrayed by TPTB, how they don't trust the writers and producers anymore to carry out their grand vision of epic romance. And yet...they seem to also 'have utter faith' that their intended couple will still end up together, no matter what. Talk about delusions of entitlement. These nutters are acting like they are owed something, damn it. For their years of faithful service. *snicker*

Um, guys. I hate to break it to you but Kate and Jack are characters. Not entities with a will of their own. They ain't going to frakking come together magically in weird non-sexual cosmic bliss if the writers and producers think the Sawyer/Kate pairing is hotter, makes more story sense, pleases the majority of the viewers (judging by the ratings) and grabs the coveted demos the network wants.

Game over, you know?

But still, the Bubbleheads keep on going (like crazed zombies calling for brains – which they sorely need), frothing at the mouth and canting on about old season one script-ures as evidence that the ironclad promise and tacit contract TPTB made with the Jaters will still one day have to be honored.

*insert more rolling of eyes at such whacked out antics*

I rutting hope that ABC and DL and CC don't listen to their delusional whining and clamoring over the story developments of this recent batch of episodes. Because quite frankly, they haven't got a clue about the characters, especially Kate, and seem to be too blinded by the light that shines out of Jack's ass to be able to view the show with a critical eye. Yeah, I'm biased. But I don't think the show revolves around two soulmates coming together (reverently and with no touching of the dirty dangly bits) and finding salvation in each other yadda yadda.

I read a fanfic today that made me want to vomit. Jate fanfic is either so saccharine and fluffy it makes my teeth ache, or they make Kate into some screw up that Jack has to nobly forgive and fix. Puhlease spare me from the rank veiled (and sometimes not-so-veiled) sexism of my fellow female Lost fans. It makes me so darn sad some people really think a yelling abusive S.O.B who constantly makes Kate doubt herself, be submissive and apologise every ten frakking minutes is a healthy romantic choice for her. He clearly makes her feel like crap, and doesn't trust her. But somehow it's romantic that he yells in her face, accuses her of making a deal, makes her cry and sob like her world has ended?

At least Sawyer doesn't intimidate her. Kate can yell back, and push him around because she's not afraid to speak her mind.

Jack is like her daddy. Grounds her for acting up. Lectures her and says he doesn't have murder in his heart. Could the parallels not be more obvious? Daddy Austin is the good dad, and yet he refused her when she needed him most. Didn't save her and her mom, and didn't do anything other than turn his back on her and call the feds eventually. For her own good. Just like Jack makes decisions for her like the dynamite, or refusing to give her a gun, or ordering her to stay behind on a trek. Because Daddy Jack knows better. Shut your mouth little girl and do as I say, or I won't love you or accept you any more. It's for your own good.

Jack knows best. That is why his refusal to help her in the glass wall scene is to be applauded. His reducing her to a broken sobbing mess was 'heroic' and 'fiendishly clever'. Yeah, he treats her like shit yet again, and she just takes it. Because Jack is not being a jerk. No, he's playing the Others at their own game. Sawyer was never in any real danger. Jack knows best, and Kate should be kissing the glass in gratitude for his masterful playing. Because Jack's half-cocked plans always come up smelling like roses, right? /heavy sarcasm.

God I can't wait for kick ass, defiant and resourceful Kate to re-emerge and kick his whiny little holier than thou butt to the curb. Read more...

Friday, November 24, 2006

The Gospel According to Bubbleheads

Yes, this post was inspired by the Joseing fanwank at the Fuselage and the TWoP recap:

What really happened in I Do Dangnabbit!

Jack's decided not to do Ben's tumour surgery and is thinking about how much he wants to verbally copulate with Kate. Juliet brings Kate in to see Jack, and Kate asks Jack to do it, because otherwise the Others will kill Sawyer, but what she really means is that she wants to get it on with Jack and the damn glass is in her way so they exchange deep and meaningful looks that solidify their eternal cosmic connection.

Jack yells at her, once again proving that he is the man in charge, that he loves her and is thinking only of her safety, Sawyer's well-being and the rest of the Losties who are without their fearless leader. Kate understands this is all necessary as part of Jack's tough love, so it makes her adore him even more than before.

She knows that Jack is going to be heroic, and so, emulating his enormous self-sacrifice breaks out of her cage and into Sawyer's to give him pity sex, all the while imagining that she is doing it with Jack. By the look on her face, you can tell that she is barely able to go through with it, but by thinking of Jack, she is able to persist. As she allows Sawyer to spoon with her, she is dreaming of how Sawyer will feel when she is finally able to crush his heart into tiny little pieces when she joins her true and eternal love, Jack.

During this, Jack's cell is conveniently unlocked (by whom, we're not told), enabling him to sneak around and see a post-coital Kate and Sawyer on one of the Others' monitors. He smiles, recognizing that Kate has followed his example of self-sacrifice in giving Sawyer one last happy moment. So he tells Ben he will, in fact, do the surgery, because he is just that noble.

In flashbacks, we find out that Kate was married to that guy from Firefly and he's a cop, and Kate shows us what she is like when she is really in love, which means she says she loves her husband every 10 seconds. We aren't entirely sure why she drugs him, but it's probably because she is having a flash forward to the lessons she will learn from Jack and it's just the right and noble thing to do.

Once Jack begins the surgery, Danny decides to get his revenge for Colleen, by shooting Sawyer. Fortunately, Jack makes an unnecessary incision in Ben that'll make him bleed to death, but Jack will fix it when he knows Kate is safe. When she hears this, Kate realizes that Jack is indeed the man she loves and tells him in a moving scene of verbal copulation that she adores him and always will. Sawyer, although he is facing death, is immediately overcome with insane jealousy that he will never be the man Jack is and secretly roots for Danny to put him out of his misery. Fade to black. Read more...

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Just when you thought it couldn't get more delusional

I have to hand it to the Bubbleheads. Their whacked out rationalizations are just getting funnier and funnier and we are only two weeks into the hiatus.

The current Jose's which deserve honourable mention:

Alex was talking about Jack when she was yelling to Kate that they were going to kill her boyfriend.

Egads, we can't have it be Sawyer! No sirree that would lend validity to the notion that the Sawyer/Kate romance is not all in Sawyer's head and that other people see their connection too! So...For some reason, defying all the anvils about how Jack is needed alive to operate on Ben, and is valuable to the Others compared to Sawyer and Kate, despite the fact that both Pickett and Juliet make it clear that Pickett intends to kill's Jack who is gonna be killed. WTF!

Why? Because...umm, well...because we can't acknowledge that Sawyer is Kate's boyfriend and we all know it. That's why. *chortle

Honestly if a four year old on crack can see that Kate and Sawyer are an item know, why can't the Bubblehead's admit it? Because it's heresy and all must bow down to the Church of Jate. All unbelievers don't exist, they don't have the faith, and shall be smitten from on high with the vengeance of Jose. I think I shall have to devote a post to this new religion. Why? Because mocking religion in general is kinda fun, but even more so when it's a cult religion started up by shippers.

Kate had sex with Sawyer to protect Jack because of the above 'boyfriend' thing. She doesn't want anyone to know that she and Jack are true loves.

Again, joseing of the most hillarious kind. Yeah, that makes as much sense as...George Bush invading Iraq to 'liberate' its people.

It's not what is being shown onscreen which is important this season, but what is NOT being shown onscreen.

Hello??? TV is a visual medium, not a 'use your frakked up imagination to cook up some farfetched idea of what's really going on behind the scenes to suit your shipper bias' medium.

Get real, peeps. Or at least collectively try to grow a brain which is capable of handling reality and adapting to what the canon is telling you. This is a TV show. Yes, it's a more complex one than some out there, but it's a show that relies on telling a story through moving pictures where people talk and there is sound and shit. There are certain conventions in place to tell a story that the casual viewer can understand. You are looking for ciphers and hidden codes where there are none. The romance of the season (so far) is Sawyer and Kate.

And I know it's a hard pill to swallow but Skate sells. Skate pulls in the ratings. Josh and Evi are proving to be huge hits with the media and the viewers. ABC have done their focus groups, and research. The bottom line is Jack sucks as both hero and romantic lead. There are rumours about MF which lend credence to the idea that he may be on the outs. Jack is better as the tragic flawed hero who doesn't get the girl but manages to soldier on and find his destiny blah de blah.

Just loved the latest interview with MF.

by Alicekarben

Does he look like he's on something or what? Those crazy shifty eyes. He doesn't seem all that cut up about leaving Jate behind and moving on to the fun stuff with Juliet.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Get Real Bubbleheads


When a guy calls you,
he wants to be with you.

When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you.

When a guy is not arguing,
He realizes he's wrong.

When a guy says, "I'm fine, " after a few minutes,
he means it.

When a guy stares at you,
he wishes you would care about him and wonders if you do.

When you're laying your head on a guy's chest,
he has the world.

When a guy calls you everyday,
he is in love.

When a (good) guy tells you he loves you,
he means it.

When a guy says he can't live without you,
he's with you till your done.

When a guy says, "I miss you, "
he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else.

Thursday, November 9, 2006

Holy Frak!!!!

Delayed reaction I know. Work has been kicking my skaterlovin butt.


What an episode!

I am officially dead.

Will have something more coherent to say later. Been snagging icons like mad at least. Read more...

Monday, November 6, 2006

No Sex Please, We're Jaters

Is it me or are Bubbleheads total prudes? I mean sheesh, it's like they are all 17 year old virgins destined for a nunnery the way they bleat on about the latest sex promos of Sawyer and Kate finally hooking up after 3 seasons of build up being all unromantic, and eeewww, and porno. Have they even seen a porno to know the difference?

What's the saying: 'No sex please, we're british'?

Get a gorram grip. Get real. Sex is a natural part of life. And it ain't always hearts and flowers and missionary.

I guess they think it's better for there to be some incessant adolescent exchanging of longing glances (don't get me started about the supposed LOOK), maybe an accidental brushing of fingers now and then...a couplet or two perhaps paced over a minimum of 5 seasons?

Bubbleheads seem to have this ridiculously cheesy notion of romance. Who the frak wants to watch two grown adults dance around each other for seven seasons? It's so unrealistic. It's so...naive. I wonder how sheltered their lives have been that they have to think that passionate sex between two consenting adults who obviously majorly dig each other is nasty and wrong.

If it were Jack and Kate doing the deed this week, you can bet the rationalisations would be much different. Read more...

Josh is god.

I am sooo squeeing over all the Sex promos for episode sex- I mean six, heh. No wonder Evi is so thrilled about this season, she's getting to work with one of the sexiest men on TV. Those snippets are so darn hot, I find myself mesmerized, especially over the pelvic thrust.

I do find it interesting that it seems as though Evi and Josh get on so well, like they seem to have really bonded as actors. I keep reading glowing statements about him from Evi and other cast members. He's the first she'd turn to, if she needed a shoulder to cry on? Rock on, sista! He's salty, charming, knock dead gorgeous and also apparently a really caring guy.

MF on the other hand gets the standard 'he's very professional' responses. I think he sounds like the career oriented type. Not really all that self effacing or generous to his fellow actors. And his views on monogamy are just priceless.

Damn Evi for getting to not only kiss Josh, but to do a full on sex scene. Like I said, no wonder she's gushing about how much she is enjoying this season.

For your delectation and YES THEY ARE KISSING:


The Jose Queens

There are certain Jaters who seem to be the lead Bubbleheads. Who do whatever it takes to keep their ship afloat to the point of delusional fanaticism.

Needless to say that it is most amusing to read their snooze worthy treatises on why Jate is still the fated couple, damn it!!! They take things out of context like Carlton Cuse's quotes and nitpick over the use of transitive verbs because they refuse to accept that TPTB don't give a monkey's arse about what Jater's want or the transcendent magic of the Jack/Kate ship. They are milking the triangle for ratings, are going with Skate because well, let's face it, it's much more interesting, has more potential, is more organic (tried hard not to write orgasmic) and the chemistry cannot be denied.

I think CC and DL are having a good old laugh at the Bubbleheads' expense, if their latest snarky podcast jokes about people threatening to quit the show is anthing to go by. They've all but spelled it out with a neon sign since July that it's gonna be Skate. And they are prepared for a certain faction of fandom to implode and turn all bitter and ranty on them. Kate loves and will choose Sawyer. But no...the Bubblehead Leaders are acting like the Titanic ain't taking on water.

"We're not sinking. No. Kate loves Jack, even though he just treated her like shit, and Sawyer and Kate are frakking each other's brains out in a cage...*bail, bail*"

God I love shipper wars.

Noob central at The Fuse right now.

Interesting that so many Jaters are suddenly joining the Fuse and expressing their undying enthusiasm for the ship of the century.

Some of them I recognise from other forums, but some are definitely suspect. Yeah, it's not fishy that a jater signs up from the 3rd of November and starts badgering Gregg Nations with pro-Jate posts as their first few posts to the forum. Not fishy at all. *insert rolling of eyes here.*

Ah, the lengths Bubbleheads will go to to keep their wreck afloat.

Anyone remember the Brit Brigade? *snerk*

Gregg, I kiss your boots!

Muahaha! I love seeing ole Gregg Nations playing with the Bubbleheads, answering cryptically enough so that they are given just enough hope to keep tuning in for the Skate lovesexfest on Wednesday.

This latest reply just cracked me up. It was in answer to one of the NoobJaters who asked flat out why does Jack always get stiffed in romance and why can't he get a break with a true love interest.

Aw... Jack does seem to have some bad luck with relationships, doesn't he? Maybe he and Mr. Friendly could make a go at it... Read more...

Leah Kate Strikes Again

Leah Kate is one fantastic and witty individual. I love her In Hiding and On the Run Skate fanfics. If you haven't read them then shame on you, go here right this instant!! :

She wrote a great mocking commentary on LF today that I want to save for posterity:

"But... Kate ROLLED HER EYES at him, you guys! How could she ever possibly be in love with a man she's had the audacity to express mild annoyance and/or wry amusement for!?!? How DARE she? And... she told him to TURN AROUND while she changed her clothes in an open-air cage! I mean, if she really loved him, regardless of the fact that they're in captivity and things are tense and his attitude was bewildering her, shouldn't she have put on a strip tease for him? Shouldn't she have flashed those ta-tas and pressed them between the bars and hummed the theme to A Summer Place? Since she didn't, she so obviously doesn't love him. It doesn't matter what anyone says. If you love someone, you DO THE STRIP TEASE!!

It just doesn't add up. In my book, tender reunions with tears and food sharing and flirtation and compassion and passionate kisses with tongue and terrifying worry and emotional angst DOES NOT, and CAN NOT, make up for eye rolls and the lack of a strip tease. Something's fishy. That sex scene is coming out of nowhere."

Sunday, November 5, 2006

Kate's a skanky ho?

Why Kate is a whore.

Obviously I don't think that, but apparently a lot of disgruntled Bubbleheads do. So let's look at why.
Apparently it demeans her to have sex with Sawyer. If she loves him, or if she just has an itch to scratch, what's the big? It's been two months, they are consenting adults. It's not like she's been frakking every guy on the island so...why is it so bad to have really hot, no holds barred cage sex with a guy a lot of people think Kate loves?

Because it destroys their glossy image of Kate being the virginal bride to their noble Jack. So often Jaters try to ignore Kate's darker side, they want to pretend she's not a scheming hussy with good intentions. Much like Jack, actually. He doesn't really know her. He has an idealized image of her, and whenever that image is called into question he turns into a yelling abusive turd. He cannot accept that Kate is an extremely rough diamond in the rough. She's no angel. And she's no Mary Magdalene who's going to be spiritually uplifted into the plane of 'goodness' by the cleansing love of the virtuous yet exacting Jack.

Kate needs to find her own redemption. Not through Mr. Do as I say not as I do. She needs to stop looking for salvation in a father/authoritative figure and really look at herself and change what needs to be changed. But that doesn't mean cutting away all the dark. It's a part of her, yin and yang. She's not a whole person if she can't reconcile that part of herself and use it in a way that's constructive and progressive.

Kate ain't no saint. No amount of praying to the Island gods will change that. Read more...

Hypocrisy much?

Apparently redemption is good for everyone but Sawyer. Everyone deserves love but Sawyer. Everyone deserves a second chance but Sawyer. I'm picking up a trend here. Kate's a murdering criminal who still lied, manipulated, stole, cheated and tried to instigate a poisoning while on the island but oooh man Sawyer is an evil mofo because he is up front about his desire to be self-centred and anti-social. The Long Con was pretty bad, with the Sun kidnapping going awry. But Kate's poison plot with Sun was just so sweet and justified? Riiiight. Stealing a dead person's identity is really commendable, Kate. Such a gorram sweetheart. Read more...

Saturday, November 4, 2006

Jose to the max, my brotha

A list of why Skate sex is happening from a Bubblehead's perspective:

1. He forced himself on her
2. They put drugs in her fishbiscuits
3. The writers don't know how to write
4. TPTB have caved to media demands
5. It's a dream
6. It's just an obstacle on the way to Jate which will be overcome when Kate and Jack are finally together
7. zomg! That was soooo obviously a dream/fantasy sequence! It's just Soya's wishful thinking! Did you see the look on Kate's face?!? She would NEVER actually look at Soya like that!
8. It's part of their DHARMA breeding program, under duress.
9. One or both of them got their hands on some booze and are drunk out of their minds. (maybe Alex??)
10. Kate thinks Jack is dead.
11. Sawyer is trying to get Kate's bag off her head (I kid you not)
12. Kate things Jack has rejected her and she wants to get him back.
13. Kate is in despair over Jack and Sawyer takes advantage of her emotional distress.
14. Kate is hallucinating it's her husband Kevin.
15. Kate thinks Sawyer is Jack. Or at least it's set up so she will call out Jack's name.
16. Kate goes along with having sex, but she's wishing it was Jack.
17. Because she loves him like a brother. (Hey, if Boone & Shannon can do it . . . )
18: This is Kate's lesson. She will realise she made a huge mistake and beg for Jack to take her back.
19. Kate thinks Sawyer is about to die, she has to give something to him before he does, and she's a whore anyway isn't she?
20. (my personal fave) Kate is conning Sawyer. Ummm to save Jack. Read more...


The Jackaroos are out in abundance over this latest sneak peek clip. Jack acts like a total tool. Who's more concerned with being played by Juliet and Ben, and having his hand forced, than he is worried about Kate's well-being and state of mind, and Sawyer's impending death. Read more...

Friday, November 3, 2006

I caved, and so it begins

Okay, I can't take it anymore. I set this up because the hi-larity was too much to contain. What a mind-frakking week! Fabulous for Skate so I am on this sugar high which won't seem to end. Yay for me.

For the record I lurk at several Lost boards: Fuselage, LF, ABC, FF etc. Mostly to enjoy the shipper stuff - because it's just so entertaining. I'm a sucker for romance, so sue me. Yeah, I have no life. I freely admit it, and live vicariously through TV couples and whatnot. I make no frakking apologies for that. Seriously though, the Jate Bubbleheads ( I call it that because they seem to have a freakish bubble of unreality around their heads, equivalent to the 'lalalalala I'm not listening' syndrome which I call Denialitis.)in particular are giving me hours and hours of enjoyment over their latest fanwanking of the upcoming sex scene between Kate and Sawyer. On the Lost-Forum boards this is called jose-ing (long story). I kinda like that. The Bubbleheads of the Fuse Couch and the Teeny Couch at LF are really great at jose-ing the Skate hook up.

Yep, I am in a mocking frame of mind. Why? Because there is so much to mock. Read more...

Jack is Leia, WTF?

Jack as Princess Leia and Kate as Han Solo has to be the most ridiculous thing I ever read. Oh, and let's all enjoy a picture of this goober in his feminine glory: