Sunday, January 20, 2008

COMING ATTRACTIONS....

The countdown clock will soon be trickling down to the last 108 minutes and Lost's cruel and unusual hiatus will be coming to an end. We'll finally be able to stop scavenging the carcasses of spoilers that wandered out of context and were ripped to shreds by hordes of ravenous, Lost deprived fans. Soon we're going to have REAL LIVE SHOWS to feast on. We'll have Recaps and Screencaps and Sawyer and Kate still getting Hot and Heavy (yeah, baby!) to re-play over and over and over...It's almost over! WE MADE IT!!!!



For eight short weeks.

But we're older and wiser for this long hiatus. We realize now the next one is going to take even more patience and creativity than the last one to survive. This fan thing is a marathon, after all, not a sprint. So it's time to think of something new and different we might try to help us get the most out of the starvation rations we Lost fans must learn to survive on. And in the interest of fan solidarity and mutual coexistence, I've come up with a new idea.

One thing that's become obvious in recent weeks is that Shipper Wars aren't the only unfriendly dynamic in our little fandom. As we know, Shippers as a group, be they Jate, Skate, Sawke or Chesmond, are not held in very high regard out there in the Message Board Jungle. Apparently, we're all hysterical, hormonal dumbasses incapable of appreciating the complexity in this story beyond making silly anagrams out of our characters' names. ... Now who levels this accusation at us? Why, none other than those adorable social misfits known as Fanboys:



those brilliant psuedo scholars who are able to glean so much more minutiae from every random prop and cloud formation than we can ever dream of. They know that Lost is so much more than a character driven metaphor about humanity. They can carefully calibrate Hurley's lottery numbers to prove incontrovertibly that the Island is a snowglobe, where none of the characters are real, only electromagnetic relics listening to the whispers of the Dead (which can easily be heard by anyone with the proper sound distillation & separation technology) who explain that the entire plot is a kind of Rubik's cube where shirt color, rather than biology, is destiny, so long as you understand the correct techniques of switching the color blocks around ... ...according to immutable laws of mathematics and quantum physics, of course.

Hey, this is an olive branch, OK? We don't really get it, but we want to at least try to find the common threads.



We come not to mock the Fanboys but to praise them. After all, we understand that we've each got a piece of the locket in our hands. We may think Lost is about relationships and emotional interactions and grand themes of humanity and destiny and redemption. And they may think it's all about sci fi bushwa and time space hijinx and superheroes and supervillains with the emotional depth of pixels. But that doesn't mean we can't find common ground.



So, in pursuit of Inter-Fan Harmony in our common Galaxy of Obsession, I'd like to preview a new feature for our next hiatus - which unfortunately looms all too near in our future. As a way of trying to unite all fans in a common entertainment, I'd like to start our very own Super Hero Comic Book, right here in Fishbiscuitland. And I'd like to offer a super secret sneak preview today, just to whet everyone's appetite and assure them we're not going to let any stinkin' hiatus stop us from having our fun.

Because I believe in the dream that The Shipper and The Fanboy can be friends, I present to you....

1 comment:

James_Ford said...

LMFAO!!

Fish, you are brilliantly sharp & witty!!! Whilst the hiatus is upon us, I have the chance to read all your articles & I have to say I haven't laughed this hard in a long time :o)))