THE ATTACK OF THE KILLER PROXY SERVERS

Now that we’ve all come down a little from our Tater Tops High, I think some cold, hard analysis of the results is in order. It may seem obvious to us that a crushing TEN TO ONE VICTORY on a poll that was open equally and freely to any surfer of the great worldwide internets speaks very loudly for itself. But, you know, we’re biased. Maybe TEN TO ONE isn’t as clearcut as it seems. It may be that we need our helpful Jater friends to tell us what the results REALLY meant.

It would seem that Sawyer and Kate weren’t the crushing winners we thought they were at all. In fact, the whole thing was a vast conspiratorial illusion fueled by a demonic force known as PROXY SERVERS! What are PROXY SERVERS, you ask? I noticed a few intrepid Skaters asking just this question on the Fuselage. And – not unexpectedly – they got the usual fist in the face from that ever helpful “moderator”, Halfrek:

"proxies are clearly mentioned and defined in the Rules/FAQ…if you don’t know what proxies are then read RULES especially the part about IP Masking"

Got that? Just because you don’t have a degree in Contract Law and/or a fish-eye magnifying glass with which to read the ever-shifting RULES/FAQ of the Fuse doesn’t give you an excuse to not understand the mechanics of PROXY SERVERS. Hey! Jaters know all about them! It’s almost like they …uh, use them all the freakin time!
Kristin had preemptively flummoxed the Jaters by pulling the rug out from under their predictable whining when she announced:

"These awards were based on the nominations and votes YOU users sent in, from top to bottom. We also used a filter that prevented people from rigging the results by voting multiple times."

But this hardly put a speed bump in their campaign.
Dripping with smugness,Shoegirl was "saddened" that Kristin chose to defend herself. She explained that her innate perfection makes her privy to the “truth” of how she knows that thousands upon thousands of utter strangers managed to rig a vote to a TEN TO ONE margin of victory:

"Kristin defended her poll, and she made an attempt to make it fair, but you can't identify votes that come in on PROXY SERVERS. By the wildly, over the top percentages, it becomes obvious that PROXY SERVER were used in this voting. See if Kristin can without any doubt prove that PROXY SERVER weren't used…. I believe I undersatnd what happened, what is the truth."

The ubiquitous posting machine known as DocLover is even more certain:

"it's called the tater top awards. But don't pay any attention to it because it's not a fair vote at all. People went to proxy sites and voted like 30 times in 5 minutes (probably more)... but whatever. It's not even worth looking at. But in case you want to it's at E!OnLine and Kristen did it. What a coincidence!"

30 times in 5 minutes? Probably more? And when you consider there are 288 five minute intervals in each day, and this poll ran for about 30 days, that's like 8,640 five minute intervals, at 30 votes apiece, that means each and every one of you had the opportunity to vote about 260,000 times! …Yikes! I'm ashamed of you Skaters! How did you only manage to win this by a mere 71% to 7%? You slackers! Were your PROXY SERVERS malfunctioning or something?
Now all this bashing of Kristin and baseless accusation of fellow Fuseleers surely drew in the mods to correct such flagrant RULES violation, right?...Nah! In fact, Majandra chimed in to give them a helping hand at the bashfest:

"You don't even have to go through the trouble of going to proxy sites (which is illegal, afaik). Cleaning out our cookies is actually enough... using different browsers helps as well."

And poor Mystic, banned from the Fuse, was forced to take her patented bitterness and ill temper straight into Kristin’s own house:

"Congrats to the winners who won without Proxy voting and daily voting. And congrats to the folks who won Second Place in the categories where it was obvious that happened -- YOU were the true winners."

Er…pssst… Mystic. Who were you congratulating there? All the other couples that also beat Jack and Kate?
Some Skaters, understandably, took their questions public. What in the hell are PROXY SERVERS anyway? And even though page upon page had gone by on the Couch endlessly trashing the Skaters for abusing a device of which they seem to have no knowledge (the idiots!) , Majandra took a break from egging on the Jaters and nipped that off topic inquisitiveness in the bud:

"Google is your friend (or wikipedia)…Stay on topic, please. "

Wasn’t it nice of her to say “please”?
The question does arise as to why the Jaters were so quick to be pointing the PROXY SERVER finger, considering the average Internet user can’t define what a frakking server is, let alone a “proxy”one. Is it possible that this is the technique the Jaters have employed to cheat their asses off on every possible poll they could these many years? After all, it’s not as if the Jaters are strangers to the concept of cheating. A recent imbroglio at the Fuse, for instance, exposed cheating on some frivolous Chit Chat shipper polls. Seems there were a number of fraudulent votes, multiple IP addresses…Cheaters. And it seems that those cheaters were ..um, ALL Jaters. Every last stinking one.
So how are the geniuses of the Couch so smugly certain that only Skaters took advantage of the equal opportunity PROXY SERVER monster? It's because they are good, you see, while we, of course, are very, very bad.
Shoegirl explains:

"And hatred, ill will, meanness, are not the things to aspire to, no matter how you wrap it or try to sugar coat it… I believe I undersatnd what happened, what is the truth. And truth, honesty, peace, ethics and honor are what I want to represent, as a fan, as a human being."

You see, Jaters aren’t just girly little shippers. They are holy warriors in the Crusade for Truth, Honesty, Peace, Ethics and Honor! This is not just fun for her, this is her life! Of course in the same breath Shoegirl managed to call Kristin “toxic”...and a liar...and she did accuse the winners in the poll of being lowlife hating cheaters. But hey, that’s just her personal style of being PEACEFUL! She never said she was against Smugness, Sanctimony or Self Righteousness, did she? It's not like she misrepresents her magnificent self. Uberimma *Latin word for Pompous Ass*

OK, it makes sense the Jaters were embarrassed. After all, this was a humiliating defeat. Since nothing whatsoever prevented the Jaters from using the PROXY SERVERS they are clearly so familiar with, the hugely disproportionate results are a stunning exhibit of just how very certain the vast General Audience is about which romantic couple they want to watch on Lost. And not all Jaters were doing the PROXY SERVER lockstep…Some of them came up with different excuses.

You could make quite a drinking game out of this, though I don't advise it. Your liver will never forgive you.

We have the “It’s only chemistry” defense:

"By the way, I don't know if it matters but the question was about best chemistry, not about best lovestory, or who you want to be with who, or anything. I often think that viewes tend to confuse Sawyer's personal sexual charm with Skate chemistry.."

There’s the “Polls don’t matter” defense:

"Stop worrying about polls.at least,the Kristin ones where you can vote all the times you want.We know what makes sense for THE SHOW and tptb said it themselves "we learnt that we have to give justice to the characteters and the story,even tho some people may not like it".. do you REALLY think that they're 'interested in the results'. LMAO! yeah,sure Kristin,they SO are. I bet right now,they're changing the plot of season 4 to give sawyer and kate some more sex. Please. "

There’s the “The General Audience loves Jate” defense:

"The "general audience" knows what's what. And the "general audience" rarely vote on those polls, if at all, because if they did Jate would blow everyone away! Those polls, and any one's from here on out, are so skewed, and the fact that it's even been admitted should make you feel better"

There's the "Good Poll Bad Poll" defense :

"If you want to see some real polls with winners, where no questionable voting was going on, let me know."

(Hey, DocLover, let us know...Please!)

There’s the “Skristin” defense:

"I was worried because the owner of the polls is a MAJOR Skater. (She is a journalist and very biased when it comes to ships on Lost.)"

There’s the “It’s all about me” defense:

"I know I didn't vote in that poll, I didn't even know about it and I DON'T vote in online polls ever because they are pointless."

There’s the “I’m very confused” defense:

"I don't think D&C would be satisfied to see that their man couple obtains only 7 %!"

And last but never least, there’s the ever ready "Jate is Fate" defense:

"Jack & Kate are IT guys... and no poll will ever change that."

Bottoms up, sailors!

So basically, Jaters don’t care about polls. You know, except when they do:
Kirsten's Poll thing is on line VOTE VOTE VOTE !!!.....

...I'>http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w78/fishbiscuit_photos/Pemail.gif">...I say we all vote for the Sarah and Michael kiss so that the skate kiss won't win. Mwahaha......For'>http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w78/fishbiscuit_photos/Putergirl.gif">...For the best kiss I'm not sure who it was I voted for, except that it wasn't Skate, neither was best show of flesh, that went to Nathan Petreilli... ... Done my daily vote! Come oooooon Jabies!!!.......gogogogo!its'>http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w78/fishbiscuit_photos/Pemail.gif">...gogogogo!its jexy......Voted'>http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w78/fishbiscuit_photos/Puter2.gif">...Voted... multiple times.........I'>http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w78/fishbiscuit_photos/Pemail.gif">.....I didn't know there's such a campaign for the Kristin's poll, LOL, but I'm helping you for a while already 'Cause I vote there for what's not Skate (And usually for what's not Lost, Anyways, guys, we REALLY have to win this category this time!!! Come on, keep voting!!!!! it deserves it, like Charlie's "greatest hits" being the saddest )........Anyways'>http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w78/fishbiscuit_photos/Putergirl.gif">....Anyways, guys, we REALLY have to win this category this time!!! Come on, keep voting!!!!!
So, we can at least assume that the little darlings were...y'know, voting!
BTW, if all your PROXY SERVERS are getting rusty and would like an opportunity to vote another quarter million times apiece, why not wander over to TWOP's annual TUBEY awards. Lost has quite a few nominations in the final ten fields, voted on from ALL member submissions - an honor in and of itself, considering the vast size of TWOP's membership and the sweeping scope of both network and cable television that it covers. So who exactly did the Non Shipping General Audience nominate over there on TWOP, the land of ultra stringent IP control, the land where cheaters are not just banned but frozen into giant ice cubes and shot into outer space to float for all eternity (or something like that)? This would seem to be a nice test of the validity of poor, slandered Kristin's results.
You can find all the links right HERE.http://fishbiscuitland.s4.bizhat.com/viewtopic.php?t=250&start=120&mforum=fishbiscuitland">HERE.> You can vote for Sawyer for Favorite Character. Jack for Worst Character. Natch.Sawyer and Kate for Best Chemistry.It' b>
I know, it's kind of weird to see how closely these results parallel those of Kristin. Now the Jaters won't be able to accuse TWOP of enabling multiple votes, since voting is double restricted by membership. And they can't say it's biased since if this isn't the NSGA at work, then the NSGA simply doesn't exist. Of course, TWOP does have a different kind of unwritten eligibility requirement - intelligence, literacy and the ability to engage in argument without resorting to personal attack....So it's easy to see how most Jaters self-disqualify.
But anyway, get on over there and VOTE. Ladies (and Cactus), start your PROXY SERVERS! Vrooooom!
And speaking of TWOP........ I had quite an interesting observation looking through the episode threads recently. Come back for Part II of the Attack of the Killer Proxy Servers and I'll tell you all about it.

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THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!

Hear ye! Hear ye! The results of Kristin's annual Tater Tops poll are in and looks like Lost swept the competition away! No longer do we have to rely on Krystal from the Fuse to tell us what "all" the fans in the world want to see on TV - or on Lost. In a competition open equally to all the fans on the great worldwide internets, a clear and present winner has emerged.



Now, of course, we aren't silly enough to think this represents the wishes of ALL Lost fans. Or ALL tv fans. But considering the size and popularity of Kristin's site, it does give a far more accurate measure of fan wishes and hopes and dreams and preferences than anything else we've got to go on.



Before we dive in with the results here, and before any sore losers start honking around the boards that this was a cheater's poll, let's let Kristin speak for herself.

Kristin Veitch Sep 4 07, 12:31 PM
34.Korbi, thank you for saying what I wanted to say (but feared I might conjure up more wrath and/or rotten tomatoes my way)! These awards were based on the nominations and votes YOU users sent in, from top to bottom. We also used a filter that prevented people from rigging the results by voting multiple times (as we fear may have happened for SOS--which sadly, was out of our control). I know it's hard when the show you love doesn't win, but Damon and Carlton and the rest of the Losties work their ***** off on what many people believe to be the best show on television, and since LOST was shut out of the major categories at Emmys this year and all those other shows we so love will get love next Sunday, could we pretty please try to play nice and keep the bitterness to a minimum? I think they deserve that (and some of them do read this section from time to time, fyi). If you aren't happy, I feel for you, I do, but it's best to stay positive and start rallying your troops for next yr!

http://www.eonline.com/gossip/kristin/detail/index.jsp?uuid=bb72a0da-40c4-40ec-883c-36b0951a44c9#commentstart

So let's see who won!

Let's kick it off with this fun little side award:

Lover with Whom Kristin Should Have a Torrid Affair:



Not that anyone's advocating adultery here, but ... hey, Kristin's only human. And you do only go around once.

In the category of Best Baddie, queasy, sleezy Ben slithered into first place, beating out even the dark lord Sylar:



Best Tearjerker:



The death of fan beloved Charlie was signaled early on in the season but handled with great care and lots of pathos. We'll miss you Charlie, you were a true hero.

Best Shocker:



Even though it was spoiled well before the season finale aired, the use of a flash forward instead of a flash back was still one of those WTF moments that kept Lost viewers on the edge of their seats and the critics raving.

Best Line:

"If you say 'live together, die alone' to me, Jack, I'm going to punch you in your face!"



How is it possible that a line dissing Jack's signature platitude, and telling Jack to STFU gets to win this category? Because it's funny, it's to the point and it reflects the changing attitudes on the show towards our self-appointed leader.

Best Show of Skin:



Shock! Horror! How could pig porn win?! What a travesty! How dare they acknowledge that disgusting rolling around in the dirt in broad daylight in any way. And to think - 77% of fans thought this smoking scene was the best of the year! Let's see the pigs compete with that!

Best Kiss:



Like something out of Indiana Jones, or Gone with the Wind, this kiss was pure cinematic magic. Love that wicked little tongue, Kate. Too bad Jack and Kate didn't win. Oh wait, they never had a kiss this season...oops....This kiss got the win with 53% of all votes, against some really tough competition.

Best Chemistry:

Now this was a tough one. The only place in the voting where Jaters and Skaters got a chance to go mano a mano. Would it be close?



Would it be a contest?



Nah!!!!



As in years past, this one was a no-brainer and as expected, TV's hottest couple took this one walking away - with 71%!!!! of the total vote. I guess the dregs of society are larger in number than Flyer ever imagined. Maybe she should get to planning a purge to save us all from thinking that Sawyer and Kate are the IT couple of TV at the moment and the OTP of Lost.
Now let's be fair, here. It's not as if Jack and Kate came up totally empty. They did ok. I mean they weren't quite dead last. And they did get...uh, 7% of the vote. That's deserving of some kind of acknowledgment, isn't it? No one can say we aren't gracious winners, so we'd like to do Kristin one better and give our good friends the award they so richly deserve...so, in honor of the loving nickname our kind friends have given us, we hereby return the favor by awarding them our very first Golden Goose Award!



The message here is loud and clear for Darlton. And there's only one little detail left for them to take care of. That would be sending the Godforsaken Love Polygon You're So Over to the scrap heap of TV history, where this loathesome storyline belongs...Another winner by another scandalously unbalanced percentage (68%)



How many ships can you find in this quartet? Looks like the choice is between two exciting, crowd pleasing love stories ... or a 7% loser that leaves two of TV's hottest properties as single-o spare parts. Come on, Darlton! Nobody's that dumb!

For this amazing cast, the award of Best Ensemble:



And how sweet that is coming off a year when Steve McPherson's little pet stopped swallowing the show and let this magnificent cast run with the story again, the way it was in the beginning and hopefully will always be from now on.

And the award that makes us proudest, Best Drama:



Even though it had a mediocre directionless season 2, Lost managed to pull itself out of the creative doldrums in season 3 and give us some top notch television. Sawyer and Kate's rocky romance, Ben and Juliet's Machiavellian maneuvers, Desmond's burden as seer, Charlie's sacrifice, Jack's halo becoming severely tarnished, and the finale's fleeting glimpse of the future definitely raised the bar in terms of quality scripted entertainment.

So, Congratulations Skaters! But to be fair, we couldn't have done this by ourselves. Isn't it even sweeter knowing that the vast worldwide general audience is out there thinking with the same brain we are? This is what we call a decisive...an uncontested... a crushing VICTORY! And no, we're not surprised. It's only confirming what has long been painfully obvious. But it does go a long way to make up for being slimed by those 7% Bitteristas as pig porn loving morally degenerate dregs of humanity ... don't it?

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Tater Top Time!! A Call to Arms...or Should That Be Fingers?

TATER TOPS ARE HERE! VOTE LIKE CRAZY! VOTE LIKE...THE DICKENS! VOTE SKATE! VOTE LOST!

Just a reminder post to let everyone know that it's that time of year again when the Tater Top Polls are up, and everyone who's a Skate fan should be out there voting their cute little asses off.

Last year Sawyer and Kate dominated the Best Chemistry category, and I expect nothing less this year. So mobilize and get voting, people. You know that certain other camps are going to be using every trick in the book to try to win instead. I've already read of Jaters urging others to clear cookies or change browsers and vote multiple times to skew the voting, and even worse than that, to block vote against Sawyer and Kate in other sections where Jack and Kate aren't even an option. How despicably low is that? Well, I guess it's to be expected when people are as desperate and pathetic about their ship as some diehard Jaters are.

So...your vote counts. Make sure you keep Skate front and center this year.

Link to the polls HERE

And while you are at it, why not send in a email to Kristin at this addy: tvdiva@eonline.com

Let her know you are concerned about the lengths Jaters people are going to in order to cheat and use multiple votes to skew the ballot. Tell her about the nasty campaigns to vote against Sawyer/Kate in other categories (like Best Kiss). Maybe, just maybe they'll take that into consideration, and check IP's and remove any duplicate votes to make the polls more fair and accurate. It's worth a try.

Let your voice be heard, my fearless finned friends. Hold the Skate banner high, and with pride! And all that shit. *grins* Read more...