Monday, June 16, 2008

IMAGINARY LOST



In the wake of the tsunami that ripped apart the foundations of the Jack & Kate story in Season Four, you may have noticed a clever little phrase has gained popularity among the last Jaters standing. Can you find it here, in these words of wisdom from the ever perceptive DocLover?



Ked, keep reading whatever posts you want, but always remember to step over the BS and laugh at what you know is so utterly untrue that you can't believe what you just read! It is Imaginary Lost at it's finest sometimes.
- Doc


What is Imaginary Lost you ask? Well, it's hard to say, but I think it can be paraphrased as follows: If you don't understand that the purpose of Lost is to show that Jack and Kate are meant to be, that everything that happens onscreen is all just subtext to the greatest love story ever told, then you are in a serious state of delusion about what show you're watching. In fact, you're likely quite insane and are making up an entirely irrelevant parallel story in your head that bears absolutely no resemblance to the show being written, produced, directed and acted by the cast and crew of ABC's Lost. In other words, the only people watching Non Imaginary Lost are the 25 or so stalwart dead enders still passing around Jate Cake at the Fuse. But you don't have to feel like you're missing out. Because I bring you today your very own cheat sheet, so you won't fall behind those Kool Kidz on the Kouch.


The first thing you have to learn about the finale, maybe the only thing you have to learn, is that on Non Imaginary Lost,

SAWYER & KATE'S KISS WAS NOT SPECTACULAR!

NOT. AT. ALL.


gif courtesy of susan14509

The helicopter kiss. The one before Sawyer sacrificed himself so the love of his life could go home like she wanted. Heroism, you say? Spectacular? Pffft....Take it from Shoegirl. That's Imaginary Lost at its finest.


The opposite ship stuff ended up being nothing to worry about huh? Definitely wasn't spectacular. Really, it was pretty much a one-sided goodbye kiss from Sawyer. - Shoegirl


Shoegirl is quite clear on this point. And it's not like she's trying to convince herself or anything.


Penny and Desmond was passionate. Sawyer and Kate, nah, not so much. Sawyer probably jumped in the ocean because he saw Kate go to Jack. -Shoegirl


Yup. She is NOT repeating this over and over to herself while she rocks in a corner somewhere. Not at all. It was all just Imaginary!


Yeah, I think Darlton played the fan bases in a big way with their pimping of the spectacular kisses. ..Most of the reviews are talking about the wonderful emotion of the Desmond Penny kiss. The Sawyer Kate kiss fell short of being spectacular. It was a nice heroic moment for Sawyer. But the kiss. Not so spectacular. I was actually relieved after having watched it. - Shoe


The coolest thing about this totally non spectacular kiss was the second basic fact from Non Imaginary Lost:

THE TRIANGLE IS OVAH!


gif courtesy of susan14509

....this was about Sawyer letting go because he knows Kate loves Jack.Finally letting go. Well, that's one more obstacle out of the way. - Doc


Bye, bye, Obstacle.

If not completely over, at the least

...the triangle was relegated to it's proper subtle place. -MysticXF


I believe that the finale was very Jate-centric, in so many ways, and I'm thankful for that. But I have to say that I am glad the romance aspect wasn't so "IN YOUR FACE."-Doc


It kind of felt like it was "IN YOUR FACE" to me,


gif courtesy of sabi7

but then, I'm one of those Imaginary Lost fans.

Kate only acknowledged her friend Sawyer, yep, Kate considers and loves Sawyer, as her friend, the one who has a funny nickname for her, but it is Jack she ALWAYS goes to, and she touches, and she wants to be with, and oh yeah, she said YES to. It is Jack, that Kate truly loves. It is Jack and Kate who TPTB continue to give us massive amounts of angst and obstacles in their path. - Shoegirl

I think the point Shoegirl is making is that this scene where Kate inspects Jack's seepage to see if it's starting to stink


is the equivalent of this scene of naked, post coital tenderness,


which ignited Jack's jealousy in that ultimate Imaginary Lost episode, I Do. And if you don't get that, she'll repeat it a few times more for you...

I loved how Kate rushed to Jack when they meet up at the Orchid. I enjoyed seeing Sawyer once again realize he isn't Jack, and never will be. And that Kate, loves Jack. Not him. - Shoe

...or at least until she convinces herself it's true. Because it's all certainly very, very obvious to anyone without an Imagination.

TIME MAGAZINE
On the other hand, Sawyer's self-sacrificing jump into the water—after making his unheard request to Kate—was a great moment, and further convinced me that Kate is mooning over the wrong guy in the future.


whoever is watching THIS show knows that Jate is the main relationship on LOST,no one has had the slow build up that they had...Whoever has doubts that they'll go back to each other and end this journey together,as it's always been,doesn't understand the Jate Power.believe US,because no one knows Jack&Kate better than Jaters do - Franci

The third important fact from Non Imaginary Lost, is that

SAWYER ISN'T THAT MUCH OF A HERO



Except maybe in the sense of being a martyr for the great cause of JIF.


He is the farthest thing from a hero there ever could be. He has a long way to go before anyone can call him that and it actually be true!! That Imaginary Lost will get 'em every time!-DocLover


Pfft. Kate didn't even care that he jumped!


gif courtesy of susan14509

Her face when Sawyer jumped out of the helicopter was NOTHING compared to the emotion on her face when Jack said he was going off into the jungle alone after the helicopter.-LoveFOXY


And besides, on Non Imaginary Lost, we all know who the true hero is.


When Frank asked if anyone else wanted to jump, she immediately looked at Jack, knowing that he would gladly do the same if it meant to save her, you know he was thinking about it. -Along for the Ride


In fact, it's entirely Imaginary that this kiss was even about Sawyer and Kate. It was actually all about....wait for it...JACK!

The Kate/Sawyer kiss - initiated by SAWYER - was important because it was more about JACK than Sawyer/Kate. The big focus wasn't even on the kiss, but on Jack's reaction to it. Huge. So the kiss itself wasn't spectacular but Sawyer stepping aside (literally!) was. -Luc21


Duh! Who could have missed him over there in the corner, with his grimace and his beady little eyes taking it all in? I'm sure no one was even looking at any of that yucky non spectacular kissing. And why wouldn't all the focus be on Jack? Never forget this:

Human decency, and the knowledge of what the right thing to do, are totally different things. Jack had in that case, both human decency, morals, and the knowledge. Heroic. - Shoegirl


With that in mind, it eases the pain of dealing with all those Imaginary Lost watchers out there:

PALMBEACHPOST
I admit I had a small lump in my throat when Sawyer sacrificed himself by jumping out the helicopter so Lapidus could conserve fuel. Sawyer whispered something to his true love Kate, planted a nice, big wet one on her (Kate and Sawyer sure have some sizzling kissing chemistry, don't they?) and then hurled himself into the ocean like only a real manly man would. If you're gonna show your undying love for someone, hell, that's the way to do it. Now, we all know Sawyer's still alive, but Kate doesn't know that and probably believes he's dead.



And I know it's hard at times, but I try to not let other fans' speculation that I disagree with get to me. They are fans, just like us, and they don't know any more than we do. Trust what you see in the show, not what other fans think is going on. . - Zoe Washington

TVADDICT
9:57PM: It’s official. Sawyer wins most romantic fictional TV character of the year by jumping out of the helicopter to save Kate.


I'm not sure what people are watching on Thursday nights. - Franci

ATHENSEXCHANGE
I’m not really big into all the shipper stuff, but I have to admit that I really dug the scene when Sawyer jumped out of the helicopter in order for Kate to have safe passage to the freighter. This was a scene that not only continued to develop their relationship, but it also showed how far Sawyer has come as a character. Think of Sawyer in season one. Along with Jin, his character has changed the most. He has gone from an anti-hero to a plain ol’ hero over the course of the past three years.

I'm not sure what people are watching on Thursday nights. - Franci

In retrospect, that non spectacular kiss was so imaginary, that all those pre-finale heart attacks weren't even necessary, Jaters. Because on Non Imaginary Lost, Darlton weren't even talking about Sawyer and Kate.

I guess we know who really got the "spectacular kiss" - Des/Penny!!! *squee* - which was a VERY nice surprise for me since I had no idea it was there and I even READ the finale synopsis. It wasn't in there. And I think this IS the kiss that team Darlton was talking about. - Luc21

Now, you can read the ABC recap which Gregg Nations informed us was based on script notes, and you'll find this description of the moment:

Sawyer looks at the others and makes a decision. He leans over to Kate, whispers something in her ear, and then kisses Kate the kind of kiss that stops time. It's nothing short of spectacular.

But think about it. Do the Lost scriptwriters post on the Couch? No, I don't think so. Therefore, who are they to tell us what is or is not spectacular on Non Imaginary Lost? They need to get a reality check. The triangle is OVAH, Skaters. Any thought to the contrary proves you're living in the State of Denial. Let's let Banshee explain it.

On a footnote & reiterating, given SNBH I think they had to toss the slap (& kiss) in there to on the surface, make it appear like Jate/Skate were on a level playing field. -Banshee

You know, on the surface, it looked to me like Jate/Skate are on about as bipolar a playing field as you can get. But maybe that's because we Skaters are all such surfacey thinkers. We might have thought that things looked pretty grim for old junky Jack and the object of his obsession. But, NO! Wrong again. Fourth basic fact of Non Imaginary Lost was that the Jateyest highlight of the Jaterific finale was this:

THE SMACK O'LOVE WAS AWESOME!


(gif courtesy of susan14509)

Teh smack O'love..In TNPLH she hit Jack b/c he essentially refused to fight for himself, her/Aaron, their love/happiness. Whereas in ET she did it b/c she was offended that Sawyer tried to cheapen her & her connection w/Jack - Banshee

One of the beauties of Non Imaginary Lost is the neat little packages it comes in. Not only did the Smack O'love prove that Jate is Fate (you doubted?) but it also explains something most Imaginary Lost fans still wonder about - why was Kate apologizing to Aaron?

What I actually LOVED about that airport scene is that it's not actually negative. It's easy to spin it that way, that she came back and smacked him and that's so Oooobad,... the slap in the face feels harsh, but that's Kate's "I got it all right this time, WE did it right, and YOU screwed it up by choosing this insanity over US!" and she has every right to be THAT angry. She goes home to a boy who wants to know what's going on, where his "dad" is, and what can she tell him? "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." - MysticXF


Do you understand now? She was apologizing because she couldn't convince Aaron's "dad" to come home - the guy who spent approximately one hot minute in Aaron's life - this guy, the one whose been sleeping in that same crusty T-shirt for at least a week -


Kate is only sad because she can't bring Junky Jack home to sit on the other side of Aaron's room and read age inappropriate literature to him anymore. I mean, seriously, what show are you watching? Let's repeat this and get it straight this time.


On a footnote & reiterating, given SNBH I think they had to toss the slap (& kiss) in there to on the surface, make it appear like Jate/Skate were on a level playing field. -Banshee

It's all one of those clever tricks they use to keep us thinking there's a love triangle on Lost. But kindly remember - that's only on Imaginary Lost.


So in summary, ultimately this opening scene imo ironically showed just how much J/K love each other due to the sheer level of pain b/w them- Banshee

Love hurts, baby. And don't you forget it. If you're not filled with loathing for the wretched junky who treats your kid like a drive by, it's just not true love. On non Imaginary Lost, this is what love looks like.


As great as the Smack O'love was for the future of Jate on Non Imaginary Lost, it really pales in comparison to the greatness of the fight in Something Nice Back Home. Because, here comes the fifth basic fact of Non Imaginary Lost:

KATE SAID YES!

They really had a family...and in her eyes he ruined that. She just doesn't understand yet...but she will. Do you really think she wants to keep his nephew from him forever? Of course not. - LoveFOXY

A real family?


You mean the kind where Mommy's boyfriend gets drunk and stoned and yells at Mommy in the middle of the night and wakes up the kids and everybody's crying and screaming? That kind of real family? ...And I don't know about you, but it didn't really seem to me like Kate was "keeping" Aaron from Jack. It seemed more like Jack didn't want to be anywhere near the bastard child of his father's bastard child. Wasn't that what this head pinch of agonizing self pity was all about?


Didn't he just round on the kid right then and there and shun him for about two years? And then shun him again once Kate put her pants back on and cut off the nookie? I know, I know, still stuck on Imaginary Lost. Let's get back to the real thing.


By what they've shown us, it seems like Jack/Kate 'coupled' right after they were rescued and then they split up for reasons unknown and for a time unknown. Then they re-coupled after the trial. This would mean Jack has been in Aaron's life for most of the three years since the rescue. And for three years Aaron has been Kate's son -- and I wish people would come to grips that this MAKES HIM HER SON and it's not creepy for her to treat and defend him like HER SON -- and Jack has been Aaron's father figure. - MysticXF


Mystic is quite clear on this, so don't try to fight with her. It doesn't matter that Jack spent about a New York minute in Aaron's life. He's his father figure! Sixth fact about Non Imaginary Lost:

JACK REALLY REALLY WANTS TO PROTECT AARON


And it's another instance of Jack's protectiveness towards both Kate and Aaron - he's right there making sure they are okay - Zoe Washburne

Blotto Babysitting is what all the protective father figures are doing these days. And it's a good thing he's there, always doing the right thing.

Kate is pretty content in raising Aaron and calling him her own, whereas Jack (who always needs to do the right thing) can't continue living the lie and pretending - Man of Science, Man of Faith


God help this kid. Not only does he have Uncle Drunky protecting him, he's caught right up in the middle of the epic love of Jack and Kate.


Let me ask you guys this,... where does she get off slapping Jack in the face and telling him to not even say Aaron's name. I'm starting to think she might be taking this "bestest soccer mom in all of So-Cal" thing a bit too far, IF she knows about the relationship with Jack/Claire/Aaron. For her to act like that almost makes me think she doesn't know. Jack is Aaron's uncle. Kate is not related to Aaron in any way. So what gives HER the right to keep Aaron away from Jack and then tell him to not even say Aaron's name? -Doc

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY
Furious over learning he was still competing with Sawyer for Kate's mind, heart, and time, Jack raged: ''I'm the one who saved you!'' Does he actually love this woman, or does he view her as some reward for being a good boy?

And Working Mom sounds like she's got some Mother In Law style marriage counseling for the happy couple:

I think she has a lot to learn about being in a couple, like many people do when they start out. So does Jack for that matter. And people do learn. - Working Mom


She's from the Dr. Laura school of marriage counseling - which boils down to "Unless He Broke Your Nose, It Was Your Fault."


When you are engaged or married, you don't do secret favors for the ex, and Kate had to learn that....She simply thought she could get away with it unnoticed and didn't come clean when she should have. - Working Mom

So, basically Kate can begin to endure her blissful eternity with Dr. Drunky, but only after she has learned to behave herself. And remember, Aaron is not without blame here either.

WASHINGTON POST
Am I the only one just heartbroken every time I see poor Aaron without his mother? And when he walked in on Jack saying Kate's not even related to him, I just wanted to hug him...Maybe the island doesn't want Kate to be with Jack. The island is a Skater!

I also think that Aaron was VERY MUCH a problem in SNBH.actually he was the core of the problem,and also the core of their fight.it wasn't about Sawyer or the pills,and definitely it wasn't for lack of love,lol - Franci


Not Sawyer. Not Jack's dope. On Non Imaginary Lost, this guy


is the true culprit. Bad Aaron! No wonder Unca Jack doesn't want to look at your hideous self. You broke up the real family, you little brat! But even Aaron is a Jater.

I think he's also acting on the island's behalf to force J/K apart so that they would want to return to the island. B/c from what we saw in SNBH we know that Jack/Kate are capable of achieving true & lasting happiness together. - Banshee


If by "true" you mean "based on a Pact of Lies" and if by "lasting" you mean "about a week", then yeah, that was one happy couple. All I can say is, I really hope I'm never that happy.


(gif courtesy of Spunky)

Some silly Imaginary Lost fans thought that the juxtaposition of the two kisses - of Sawyer kissing Kate as he left her possibly forever and of Desmond kissing Penny when he found her after forever -


(gif courtesy of Spunky)

meant that the writers were passing the torch from one tragically separated couple to another.


The fact that this separation was sealed with a Promise seemed another profound connection. But that brings us to the seventh fact of Imaginary Lost:

JACK & KATE ARE THE ONCE AND FUTURE DESMOND & PENNY! THEY'RE LIKE TWINS!


The only possible parallel for Desmond and Penny is the grand romance of Junky Jack and his Slapper O'love, Kate.

I have a feeling the DesPen/Jate storylines will continue to parallel one another even in parenthood....I sort of see where one is at any given point, the other pair is the opposite. For i.e. in the future Jate is separated, & it can be assumed Des/Pen are together somewhere. - Banshee

I'm curious to see how they'll work out the details on that, but we Imaginary Lost fans just have trouble thinking "outside of the box". The fact that Jack and Kate are living around the block from one another doesn't mean they aren't totally, like, separated. It's too subtle for Imaginary Lost fans to understand, but we'll keep trying.

I was posting on FF about the similarities between DesPenny and Jate because someone was worrying about Skate and DesPenny being similar and people thinking kate just "gave up" on their relationship because she thinks sawyer did by jumping and that their reunion would be amazing...etc...Well my counter-argument was that Desmond NEVER gave up on Penny - not once (except when he left her for EIGHT years) - just like Jack has NEVER given up on Kate (except when he left her in handcuffs with killers because he was mad she screwed Sawyer)and will contiue to fight for her (unless she comes between him and his oxy) - where-as the skate relationship isn't even an issue in the future ( except when she puts her promise to him ahead of Jack and he blows up and denigrates Sawyer's sacrifice and treats Kate like a piece of shit) - she chooses to be with Jack(except when she leaves his stoned, psycho ass in the parking lot to do some more drunk crusing on the LA freeways.)... Just how Penny chooses to be with Desmond after everything... -Steph


But seriously, if you're not convinced that there is irrefutable proof of the Desmond & Penny parallels with Jate, Mystic has the clincher.

It still makes me incredibly giddy that when Jack and Desmond were talking and Kate and Penny were oogling the baby Des/Pen were dressed almost identical and Jack/Kate were also dressed almost identical. I doubt this was accidental given Jack and Desmond's conversation, and also his foreshadowing for Jack/Kate. -MysticXF


The proof is in the shirt colors! But one question. I noticed Frank also had a light blue shirt on. And dang, look at that - Sayid's in beige.


Is this like some sick menage a trois shirt color code we're seeing here? I don't understand Non Imaginary Lost! It's so subtle!


So, anywho....what's in store for the FUTURE of Non Imaginary Lost?

Well, Shoegirl would personally like to announce to the world the eighth fact of Non Imaginary Lost

JULIET AND SAWYER ARE SO HAPPENING.


The PTB did not declare in that moment that Sawyer and Kate were the OTP. If anything, they set up Sawyer and Juliet for some romance in Season 5 onward.-Shoegirl


On Non Imaginary Lost, Juliet wasn't watching in devastation as her last chance to go home blew up in smoke. Nope. She was admiring Shirtless Sawyer.


Juliet watched carefully and she enjoyed seeing Sawyer stroll shirtless out of the ocean. Now why oh why would he be shirtless in that scene, if we weren't supposed to already start thinking something is going to happen with these two. They'll be hot hot hot. -Shoegirl


I sort of thought he was shirtless because it was easier to swim like that, but that's the stupid Imaginary Lost talking again. And to reiterate, Shoegirl would like you to know :

Sawyer Juliet on the beach. They are going to be awesome to watch together. Hot hot hot.-Shoegirl


And she is NOT saying this to convince herself. Not at all. Because people who watch Non Imaginary Lost don't have to do that. It's all as clear as mud to them, 100% of the time....When Sawyer is done with Juliet, we will get to the ninth point of Imaginary Lost,

SAWYER AND CASSIDY ARE TRUE LOVE.

Sawyer will get to redeem himself as a father to Clementine, with Cassidy by his side, and perhaps take responsibility for the murders he committed. -Shoegirl


I believe that Sawyer did truly love Cassidy and they showed her to still be very much in love with him...I could really see a renuinion between both of them. - heartscollide

Because nothing says Love like "Fuck you, bitch, that ain't my kid"."


I never really thought about LB in that specific context (with Cass/Sawyer involved as well). I for one totally love that story and especially considering Kate will be keeping in touch with Cass/Clem due to Sawyer's favor, I am SO glad that that storyline is not being thrown away, I was afraid it would be. I'm not so sure tptb would give this "happy" of an ending, but Jack/Kate (hopefully with Jabies ) and Sawyer/Cass (and their little Clem of course)? I'd be a happy camper! - Strangelove311

It will be like Party of Five all over again! Only this time with extra added dysfunctionality.


Yup. That was the whole point of that episode last season - Diane couldn't help but love Wayne, Cassidy couldn't help but love Sawyer, and Kate can't help the fact that she loves Jack. And that's still the case in the future. She's hurt, she's angry, but she still loves him. - Zoe Washington

if I didn't know better, I'd think that Zoe just compared Jate to a relationship between a drunk and his abuse victim and/or a relationship where the guy robbed a woman blind and dumped her with a kid he didn't want...but I keep getting stuck between Imaginary and Non Imaginary Lost and I'm getting so confused! Did Zoe just compare Jack to ... Wayne???? ... You know, maybe Imaginary Lost isn't so different from Non Imaginary Lost after all.

But what of the

FUTURE?


As fans of the one and only Non Imaginary Lost, what do these insightful fans foresee happening down the road?

Next season the spotlight presumably will be on them, & I think we will see many of the missing pieces in their courtship on their way back to the island & subsequently, each other.-Banshee

Because that's what the entire Lost fanbase is clamoring to see.

It will be quite the journey to see these two reforge their relationship and lead the rest of the 06 back to the island. - Shoegirl


Don't look behind you, Shoe, but I don't think anyone's hopping on that bandwagon with ya.

In any case, there's only one thing that matters to the future of Non Imaginary Lost.

Jack and Kate must go on to fufill the destinies that are in store for them (such as being Adam/Eve & having lots of Jabies ). - Banshee

Tenth fact about Non Imaginary Lost.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE JABIES!


Maybe like the island won't let ppl die, it won't let Kate be with child until she & Jack consummate their relationship in Eden. -Banshee

If anything her life with Aaron has sort of groomed her AND Jack for parenthood. I completely agree with people about the island interfering with her ability to concieve. She could have possibly died if she did get pregnant so the island intervened. Thank God. I'm calling it... the island is a Jater. -Along for the Ride

Aaron is where he needs to be right now in the real world ...to teach Jack/Kate the lessons they need to be parents to their own little "miracle"-Banshee

And of course, when it comes to the future of Lost,

WHEN JACK & KATE GET DONE BEING DES & PENNY, THEY'LL BECOME...ADAM & EVE!


It always comes back to those corpses!

And it'll be angsty and quite the journey seeing how Jack and Kate find their way back to each other again. And how, they ultimately end up being Adam and Eve. Because with Penny and Des off-island, the only 2 that could be Adam and Eve are Jack and Kate. -Shoegirl


The Adam & Eve thing has always struck an Imaginary Lost fan like me as just a wee bit....morbid...but I have to admit, nothing is quite as surreal as the future that Flyer is hoping for.

I agree! The castrated version of Jack that exists in the future needs to be gone. Will the REAL Jack Shephard please find the cajones he had for three seasons and do what has to be done, which is get that child away from Kate. He needs to get his little nephew some jeans, sleeveless tees, a burr haircut, a couple of rub on tattoos and book a one-way trip for two back to crap-hole island. Please and thank you. -Flyer


Will non castrated Jack fill Aaron's sippy cup with whiskey or methadone I wonder?...Just trying to think outside of the box here.

Occasionally a Non Imaginary Lost watcher has a few doubts.

I have a question... I was just reading that Jate was "got through" in one episode. Like... "dealt with" in one episode. But do you guys agree with that? - Ked

But this doubt was easily squelched by consulting one of the great authorities of Non Imaginary Lost - the Copulators thread from Fan Forum.

This is just BS really...I was talking with some jaters over the Copulators thread and that´s why we are the OTP of LOST. We have all those epics significant moments that TPTB keep making references to season after season ("Count to 5", "I´m gonna be your nurse", "chockpit scene", "I can´t leave without you"...) and only we have that. - LulinhaK


That's very true, Luka.


Only Jate has epic significant moments.


Yup.Only Jate.


No one else.


Ever.


It must be tough for the visionary Jaters, having to deal with what amounts to almost a global conspiracy of Imaginary Lost watching:

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WASHINGTON POST
Here's the interesting thing about Sawyer: He embraced the island and didn't feel the need to leave it. But when everyone else got on the chopper, he was ready to face his life back home, too. He is comfortable with himself in a way that Jack is not. I still love Jack, precisely because his flaws make him an interesting character. But I actually now believe Sawyer is the better man for Kate. I have switched from Team Jater to Team Skater.

ked, I can't expand on anything else everyone has already said, except these three words that one should always heed whether in fandom, reading the news, or even the weather forecast: Consider the source. - Working Mom

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ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY
It was a crime that there was no Sawyer-centric episode this season, but you made up for it in spades! You were home free. The look on Hurley's face when Frank said the chopper was about 200 pounds too heavy spoke volumes. I know you knew that. You also saw the look on Kate's face. I now know you love her more than Jack does. I apologize for thinking he and Kate make the better couple. It should be you two. Your jumping out of the helicopter into the ocean to save the others was the noblest thing I may have ever seen in my life.

All of this to say,Ked,that you're reading the wrong posts.. - Franci

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NEW YORK MAGAZINE
There's some Jack/Kate/Sawyer. Sawyer calls Frank "Kenny Rodgers." The Oceanic Four fly toward the freighter but lose gas and have to dump everything heavy off the helicopter (Hurley looks worried), and then — wow, Sawyer whispers to Kate, gives her a great kiss, and then sacrifices himself, which is both sexy and sad.

I think some people keep saying things more to convince themselves than anyone else. Jate is a threat to what some people want, a very real, very big, very IN YOUR FACE threat, and they are not over by a longshot. They never will be. Jack and Kate just are! Period! There's no just Kate and there's no just Jack - there is Jack and Kate. That's the way it is, no matter how badly others try to spin it away. Jate isn't going anywhere! IMO, there is really only two ships floating around anymore and others should find a nice dock somewhere to hang out for the duration. - Doc

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DENOFGEEK
He’s now ascended into rugged Big Damn Hero status, sacrificing himself for the sake of the folk on the helicopter and returning to the island, even managing to jam in a kiss for Kate all the while. He whispered something in her ear before jumping into the ocean below, this being the mysterious promise that drives Jack crazy in “Something Nice Back Home”.

I'm not sure what people are watching on Thursday nights. - Franci

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The thing is you can't let yourself go crazy over all this stuff. We Skaters have to put up with the fact that Jack and Kate exist. Sure they feel like a big ugly stain in the middle of an otherwise incredible story, but we can't wish them away as figments of our Imagination. Jaters, maybe it's time you did the same. You'll save yourselves a lot of heartache. Plus, it's not like you don't get this, deep down, in those moments when you're accidentally honest with yourselves.

people can keep saying whatever they want,screaming it doesn't make it real. - Franci


Who says we can't agree on anything?

50 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Because nothing says Love like "Fuck you, bitch, that ain't my kid"."

LMFAO!!!!! Fish, oh geezus! I literally fell off my chair at several points while reading this hilarious post.

I'm all for Imaginary Lost. The Non-Imaginary version looks like it will mess with my brain and kill off a good many brain cells.

-iamme

Lynn said...

HILARIOUS entry, fish! I couldn't stop laughing. These Jaters just get more delusional as time goes by, I hope it never stops.

And the spectacular kiss was apparently all about Jack because it focused on his reaction? WTF. WHEN did it focus on his reaction? If I remember correctly it was focused entirely on Sawyer and Kate. The only Jack reaction that was shown was to Sawyer's jumping. Sigh.

They sure are going to keep us entertained over the hiatus.

laura-sk said...

This entry was more delicious than a chocolate covered ice cream! Witty sarcasm at it's finest. Never stop posting and keep'em coming!

- Caprica

Anonymous said...

This was amazingg,fish,I spent the last 30 minutes laughting my ass off!!
It was great how you put their comments VS the media quotes (It would be even better if you had add what the writers said LOL). These idiots are so making fun of themselves that sometimes I wonder if they are not doing it on purpose...
Their level of denial is beyond me.
-Demy

jul26400 said...

that's amazing! i love your blog, i find that what you write is always brilliant, original and fun! Keep doing it! thanks to you, i have faith in skate!
Jul from France

Anonymous said...

You are a genius, you know that right?
HONESTLY laughed throughout the whole thing.. all of your stuff is ingenius.

It's sad, because over on FF we have to see all of their "Non-Imaginary" thoughts. ;)

Anyways, PERFECT.
I loved every second.

- Ally.

Anonymous said...

This is the kind of stuff people have to do when they know they're shipping a sinking ship. SKaters have to plead their case through "wit" - the show speaks for Jack and Kate on it's own.

-Gabbie

Anonymous said...

So hand jex is what the show is 'speaking' to you?

Interesting, really.
NO.. honestly, that.. makes sense?

Right.

Anonymous said...

This is the kind of stuff people have to do when they know they're shipping a sinking ship. SKaters have to plead their case through "wit" - the show speaks for Jack and Kate on it's own

I think you misread this Gabbie. It doesn't look like any case is being made for Skate. It's all about understanding the "case" the foolish Jaters are trying so hard to whip up for their ship.

What does the show "speak" about Jack and Kate? That they're a sick and unpleasant spectacle?

LOL, I wish a Jater could make a coherent case just once. All they can do is bitch when they get mocked for their nonsense.

Thanks Fish! It's about time someone called them on the junk they've been trying to sell. They've been making absolute fools of themselves.

- Yomaira

Morcegos no Sótão said...

Oh God, when I think Jaters can't get any creepier... Here you are to prove me wrong!xD

Hilarious, Fish. =)

MJNuts

Anonymous said...

Hand jex? How old are you?

You all spend all of this time thinking that being annoyingly sarcastic is going to make SKate THE end pairing. Have fun while it lasts.

We'll see how it all turns out when the series has finished.

I don't have to make a case for Jack and Kate, coherent or not. And I'd love to hear from you, specifically, when my ship comes out on top.

-Gabbie

Anonymous said...

I don't have to make a case for Jack and Kate, coherent or not. And I'd love to hear from you, specifically, when my ship comes out on top.

Certainly not Gabby or is it Gabi. You don't have to make a coherent case when you think the writers are telling you something HUGE because of matching shirts.

You have fun lurking at fishelage.

Anonymous said...

Jaters are so weird, Gabbi. You have this awful thing going where everyone hates either Jack or Kate or both. And their relationship is about as sick as can get, Jack a selfish dick and Kate a rug for him to walk on. Now Jacks a dopehead and Kate has the stolen kid he doesn't like and she leaves him drunk and crying. And you still think this is the ship the writers want the audience to love? Not the one where the beautiful man threw away his own happiness so his lover could go home?

Gabbi, do you think all the newspapers and blogs are also written by Skaters hanging on to a sinking ship? Is it a rule for Jaters to have to be deaf, dumb and blind to how the story is really unfolding?

Jillian said...

Gabbie,

If the show is speaking to you, then why the hell are you here?? So Jate is fate! What more can you ask for?? Seriously now.

-Jill

Anonymous said...

Gabbie,

Fish did an amazing job at highlighting the utter stupidity and flawed logic that abounds amongst some members of your ship. You didn't have to come here and make it worse for them with your own assinine comments.

Why are you here in the first place? Anyway have fun lurking.

-iamme

Anonymous said...

Gabbie said: "You all spend all of this time thinking that being annoyingly sarcastic is going to make SKate THE end pairing."

No. The writers will decide the "end pairing" and any Skater I know realises that. Maybe you should re-read what the Fish wrote here with images from the show to demonstrate what's really imaginary and what isn't.

Thanks for the hilarity and the Jater quotes to tell us how it really is, Fishbiscuit. Really puts things into perspective when everyone including the media obviously can't view the show with such insight. Jate is so definitely fate. I see it now. Someone should tell TPTB.

"All I can say is, I really hope I'm never that happy" - LMAO. I can't stop giggling at that one. So say we all.

~Midight

Anonymous said...

LOL. I mean:

~Midnight

KingKrims said...

Great post Fish.. Dont understand the hate and arguments thought, people need to chill and enjoy the show.... wow the hate in this place.. anyway i agree with all execept the jack as a heroe stuff.. im still waiting for him to do someting heroic..
personally i think people on all posts throw t word HERO out too much.. i mean wat do we call a hero.. jack after being a drunk, emotional abuser, cold blooded killer if the gun didnt let locke die, doenst care about his nephew at all, and drug addict among other defects.. Sawyer, ex-con artist, kiler, thief, lier, throw the 7 sins and his dont them all.. so really who or wat is a hero..,
I think we as humans as a naturecn do evil, and lovely things... talking about myself anf being honest, ive done bad things and being in jail... but i grew up wit all women in my famiy, so i go crazy whenever i hear women being beaten or children being hirt or/and molested.. i cant even watch law and order SVU cause of the crimes against kids.. but ive done alot of bad things... ive also fought in iraq and came home in one piece thank god.. so wat makes a hero.. does the things ive dont in the past or the good things since then make me good... think about that, ause i believe ni forgiveness, and changing ur life..but i dont give a child molesteor or rapist a second chance in my book.. think about that, we live in a wolrd where we selesct whats right and wrong in our eyes.... or maybe the war made me crazy, who know.. LOL

susan14509 said...

I knew this would be hilarious when I saw the upside down island pic at the top, and it only got better from there. I laughed all the way through it. Wonderful job again, Fish!

I thank the Jaters for providing us with nonstop amusement to carry us through the hiatus.

Anonymous said...

If I was lurking I wouldn't be commenting, now would I?

"Gabbi, do you think all the newspapers and blogs are also written by Skaters hanging on to a sinking ship? Is it a rule for Jaters to have to be deaf, dumb and blind to how the story is really unfolding?"

I love repeating myself. I don't give a flying f*** what any paper or blog says. My point is that none of this stupid s*** is going to matter when the show has ended and one ship will be a big group of sarcastic and "witty" losers.

I came here for the same reasons you did, to be entertained. Keep the responses coming... the things you say will most definitely change the outcome of the show.

... See I can be sarcastic too.

SO done here.

-Gabbie

Anonymous said...

You know you've done a stellar entry when you've got the bitter Jaters in here commenting on it, Fish. Bravo! This was vintage snark.

Poor little Gabbie. Thanks so much for flouncing in with your absurd remarks, though... it makes these entries SO much more fun. I love the angle that Skaters hope to change the course of the show through wit. That's a new one!

But luckily we Skaters don't have to do anything to change the course of the show. We don't even have to try ridiculous write-in campaigns or flood TPTB with stupid shit like black thread. The show itself is leading toward Skate - building from a heroic separation to an inevitable reunion, whereas Jate has been deconstructed into a sad, dark little mess. And the way the finale played out means that we now have the luxury of relaxing, sitting back, sipping mojitos and laughing at the neurotic, frustrated Jaters preaching the gospel to each other in their echo chamber. It's a damn fine time to ship Skate.

Anonymous said...

Oh, how I've missed these posts of yours. What would a ridiculously long hiatus be without the Jaters? They really are like the Jate story they represent, either embrace them or go mad...I'm a hugger. LOL. Great to see you're still in fine form, Fish. Now...get to that S4 synopsis, dude. ;-)

Darbi,

LostTvFan said...

Pure genius Fish! LMAO. We Skaters have what no other ship has ever been able to claim, the constantly entertaining, unbelievably obtuse, incredibly blind but always good for a laugh Jaters and their even dimmer witted sub ship the Bubbleheads.

What would each hiatus have been without them? From the net o'love, to the look o'love to the slap o'love, to their idiot theories, awful photoshopped fantasies to their War and Peace tirades in support of possible the worst romantic pairing ever seen on television they have given us more hours of entertainment than Lost has.

Let's hope they never get a clue and based on their track record the chance they will wake up and smell the coffee is somewhere between nil and nevermore. More please; I have missed these little trips in to the minds of the crazies!

Ann said...

I love repeating myself. I don't give a flying f*** what any paper or blog says. My point is that none of this stupid s*** is going to matter when the show has ended and one ship will be a big group of sarcastic and "witty" losers.

Gabbie: It's good that you don't give flying whatever. Is that the reason you have posted here three times already? Damn I wouldn't want to see you when you did give a flying whatever!

Give it up girl, you are looking dumb and dumber with every post.

Anonymous said...

I see The Fish has attracted a cute troll and she appears to be one threatened little lady! She is also proving the entire point of Imaginary Lost. Close your eyes, ignore what is on the screen, don't read the reviews, stick your fingers in your ears and keep chanting JIF, JIF. After all, look where that has gotten you in FOUR years.

Anonymous said...

The look that Kate gives Jack right after Sawyer jumps is priceless. Yeah, Jaters, just keep telling yourself that she was warning Jack not to jump because she loves him so much. More like, "STFU and stop pretending to be the big hero, Jackass."

air-and-angels said...

I certainly agree that in the show I've seen, call it 'Imaginary Lost' or what you will, there's a triangle in which the potential relationship between Jack and Kate is presented as far more deeply flawed than the potential relationship between Kate and Sawyer. I also believe that, from what I've seen of their words and deeds, Sawyer loves Kate much more sincerely and less selfishly than Jack. Also Sawyer is kind of Han-Solo-y and Jack has a whiny voice and stupid tattoos, so yeah.
But I can't ship EITHER combination because I think Kate is a gigantic asshole and sociopath. Ben, of course, is a full-on psychopath but incredibly smart and entertaining, so he gets a pass from me as long as he doesn't actually, like, kill a kitten.
Oh God, you don't think he... KILLS KITTENS in his vet office where he stitches up Sayid, do you!? No! No! Even broken bitter bereaved Sayid would never stand for such a thing!
I think your episode recaps are wonderfully clever and insightful, with heaps of useful background information (the Auto-Icon!). Just as I wish Sawyer didn't waste his lovely self on Kate, I kind of wish you didn't expend so much of your energy on being competitive about ships, when I would love to see more articles from you about LOST as a whole. Maybe you could do recaps and analysis on some of the earlier episodes during the hiatus? I would read the hell out of those.

Tanya said...

You definitely know that the entry was a blast when bubbleheads start coming out of their holes to prove a pointless point :) Gabbie, keep it up, girl, shun them non-believers, convert them heretics!

LMAO, Fish, thank you for sharing that!

Sassynails

Anne said...

Holy moly that was a hilarious entry Fish. Vintage snark for you. And kudos on showing the sheer inanity of the diehard Bubblehead crowd who insist that only they are watching the real Lost.

The show where Jack and Kate's gloriously uplifting romance is the heart and soul of the show.

What a load of crock. And I sincerely hope not considering how borderline abusive, unhealthy and downright toxic their relationship has been. Especially for each other.

Gabbie: Skaters are trying to influence the outcome of a TV show by their wit alone? Say what? Good lord that's funny. We geese are actually a pretty level-headed bunch and not half as arrogant as the Bubbleheads who have cornered the market in whiny self-entitlement.

We know that the writers will write what they damned well want to write, whether we agree with it or not. But from where I am sitting right now, things have never looked better for my fave couple. Even the media agrees with me. Sawyer and Kate's love story is smoking, and now with a promise to reveal and reunion to look forward to, I cannot wait for the next to seasons to play out.

And you know what? If Sawyer and Kate don't end up together in the end, at least we've had one hell of a romance that played out on screen. We, at least, got to see their firsts in everything. We have been shown their whole journey, not some cliff note version where all the highlights happened off screen.

Fish, thank you again for poking fun where it was richly deserved.

It greatly amuses me that those jidiots think we're the ones watching Imaginary Lost. The juxtaposition of their shrill denials with actual media review quotes really drove home how silly they look for trying to drown out the reality of Lost. Their agenda is pretty crystal clear and it's laughable.

Anonymous said...

LOL - Steph on the Couch has this comment "So true Doc but it's Real LOST vs. Imaginary LOST - I have to say I much prefer Real LOST
"


Fish, if you didn't mock these freaks, it would be a waste of one of Lost's greatest natural resources. This fandom is more fun than the show sometimes. Especially the crackpot Jaters who honestly believe they've got the inside scoop - on a show they can't begin to even follow!

Anonymous said...

The comments from Gabbie are so telling! She thinks we want to influence the course of the show. You know why thinks that? Because that's what the Jaters on the Couch think they're doing! They really, really think that by posting their drivel on the Couch, TPTB are going to check it out and think the whole world wants to see the sickness of Jate immortalized forever.

I know, it sounds insane, but to quote workingmom, consider the source. The Jaters KNOW the whole Lost fandom barfs at their ship, but they actually think if the 10 or 20 of them keep at it, TPTB will be fooled into thinking everyone can't wait to see more JIF! And now the Jidiots think that's what the Fish is trying to do also. They just don't get it that someone like the Fish, who clearly watches the WHOLE SHOW, is only elaborating on the reality that the rest of the world is watching. No one thinks we can influence TPTB - only Jaters think that.

But instead, they just prove time and again, that the dumbest fans and the least discriminating are the ones still clinging to the sickest ship any tv show ever had. LOLZ!!!!

- Yo

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

My dear Fish, you will always be the Queen of Snark... and this piece is ample evidence of your genius!!! I laughed so hard and so often at the juxtaposition of Media quotes with Jater quotes... brilliant approach. :)

The obvious dysfunction evidenced in Jaters' bizarre defence of Jate is endlessly fascinating, and in any other context I would find these women pitiable for their ignorance. However, given the arrogance of their pronouncements about anyone who doesn't share their view, I can't help but join in the amusement.

I also think that Aaron was VERY MUCH a problem in SNBH.actually he was the core of the problem,and also the core of their fight.it wasn't about Sawyer or the pills,and definitely it wasn't for lack of love,lol - Franci

Aaron was the "core of the problem"? Not Jack's control issues? Not his arrogance or high-handedness? Not his jealous, possessive attitude toward the women he becomes romantically involved with? Not his tendency to browbeat the women who don't "obey" him when he wants them to? Given that the show has taken pains to show us that Jack behaved inappropriately, and even abusively, toward both Sarah and Achara in the past, the Jaters' unwillingness to place the responsibility for Jack's behavior in his argument with Kate in SNBH squarely on Jack is a clear case of willful blindness. You absolutely nailed it when you said this attitude belongs to the Unless He Broke Your Nose, It Was Your Fault" view of relationships.

The fact that Media reviews commented negatively on Jack's behavior in SNBH never even gives them pause or clues them in that maybe they might want to rethink their views. Even Doc Jensen, a Jack lover and past Jate fan had this to say about it:

Furious over learning he was still competing with Sawyer for Kate's mind, heart, and time, Jack raged: ''I'm the one who saved you!'' Does he actually love this woman, or does he view her as some reward for being a good boy?

And STILL they come out with things like "Aaron was the core of the problem". Really?

Given the context that the finale added to the Jack/Kate break-up scene - now that we've seen that Sawyer jumped from the helicopter only to give Kate and the others a chance to get safely to the freighter - it would have been nice to see a Jater acknowledge that Jack's tirade about Sawyer during their fight was just plain shitty. "HE's not here. I'M the one who's here. I'M the one who came back. I'M the one who saved you." Not only was that a hurtful thing to say to Kate, but it was also mean-spirited, disrespectful and grossly unfair toward Sawyer - the guy who risked his life to get Kate and EVERYONE on that chopper to safety. Not one Jater simply acknowledged that Jack was wrong... it was all about defending poor widdle Jack because he was so upset and not in his right mind at the time. (Let's not point out that he was drunk off his ass and high on pills by HIS OWN CHOICE there.)

Poor widdle wounded Jack. Pfft. What Jack showed clearly in that scene is that the man has NO CLASS at all, no inner nobility of any kind in his heart. Not that Skaters needed convincing of that because we saw it clearly when the guy had the unmitigated gall to declare his love for Kate under the guise of defending Sawyer's actions to her in the S3 finale. No class.

Jack and Sawyer - one of these men is being shown to have genuine nobility in his HEART, and one is not... and that is completely in keeping with TPTB telling us they would turn our first impressions of these people upside down as we got to know them better. S4 revealed which of these two men has real goodness and nobility in his heart, and which one has the greater capacity for unselfish love... and it didn't turn out to be Jack. Jaters can lie about that to themselves, and to each other, as much as they want... And we can continue to be amused by their jabber. :)

Mock on, Fish!

Dez

Anonymous said...

I loved your recent entry Fish. It's just unbelievable how the Jaters continue to live in their own fantasy world. I don't think that they will ever realize that they are practically shipping Ben/Juliet with the only 2 differences that Ben hasn't become a drug addict yet and their ship is getting sold as romance in the media because otherwise, the triangle would be dead in the water. Not only is Jack not going to get the girl, he isn't going to get any girl at all because he's the worst romantic partner ever. TPTB would have to despise a female character to pair her up with such a tool. Keep on dreaming Jaters/Jackers!

Hamburgo1001

Jayemel said...

As always, I agree with most of what you've said Fish. However, I do disagree in that I think Sawyer and Juliet will happen and the Desmond/Penny kiss was more spectacular

Yo, you said the following:
"The comments from Gabbie are so telling! She thinks we want to influence the course of the show. You know why thinks that? Because that's what the Jaters on the Couch think they're doing! They really, really think that by posting their drivel on the Couch, TPTB are going to check it out and think the whole world wants to see the sickness of Jate immortalized forever."

No, they don't have to influence the show. "Jate is fate," remember? You don't have to influence when it's already the story. Rather, they are insinuating that "skaters" are influencing the show so that when when Sawyer and Kate end up together they can blame "skaters" for ruining the show by forcing Lindelof and Cuse to pervert their vision for the show in order to appease violently noisy fans.

lyly ford said...

awesome fish ! you killed me and plus i couldn't believe they wrote this shit, omg...i guess it's the first couple since i'm online who make me laugh and worry about their mental too

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I think Darlton played the fan bases in a big way with their pimping of the spectacular kisses. ..Most of the reviews are talking about the wonderful emotion of the Desmond Penny kiss. The Sawyer Kate kiss fell short of being spectacular. It was a nice heroic moment for Sawyer. But the kiss. Not so spectacular. I was actually relieved after having watched it. - Shoe

As usual Shoe offers no proof of this, quotes no one and provides no links. Just makes her claim and expects to be believed. Skaters do just the opposite and we can source every one of these quotes:

Sawyer made his selfless leap to the ocean to keep the helicopter light enough to fly, planting a classic action-hero kiss on Kate's mouth before jumping out.

He whispers something in Kate's ear and gives her a fantastic kiss before he goes.

After whispering a request into her ear, he planted a kiss on Kate that was definitely one for the books.

He leans over to Kate, whispers something in her ear, and then kisses Kate the kind of kiss that stops time. It's nothing short of spectacular.


Sawyer jumping out of the helicopter into the ocean to save the others was the noblest thing I may have ever seen in my life.

Then planted a big kiss on her. And now we know why the ladies love Sawyer.

How steamy was the Kate and Sawyer kiss? Wowza.

Yay to Sawyer for being the hero and sacrificing himself for the woman he loves and his friends.

It’s official. Sawyer wins most romantic fictional TV character of the year by jumping out of the helicopter to save Kate.

Sawyer's character evolution from a low-life con man to a man willing to perform a selfless sacrifice was the highlight of the episode.

Sawyer gave Kate a kiss-to-end-all-kisses goodbye.

Sawyer whispered something to his true love Kate, planted a nice, big wet one on her. Kate and Sawyer sure have some sizzling kissing chemistry, don't they?

As for Sawyer's sacrifice, it was a big, emotional moment. Jack's reaction to the kiss/sacrifice was perfect: (a mixture of horror, sadness and relief).

Here's the interesting thing about Sawyer: He embraced the island and didn't feel the need to leave it. But when everyone else got on the chopper, he was ready to face his life back home, too. He is comfortable with himself in a way that Jack is not.

Sawyer reborn. Sawyer baptizes himself in the ocean by sacrificing himself for the Oceanic 6.

On the other hand, Sawyer's self-sacrificing jump into the water—after making his unheard request to Kate—was a great moment.

Sawyer deciding to sacrifice himself for the sake of his friends.

After a jawdropping kiss goodbye, (Jack's jaw dropped the lowest) Sawyer jumps from the helicopter, hits the water, pops back up, and swims towards the Island.

Sawyer then kisses Kate. Han Solo before he goes into the carbonite KISSES her.

Sawyer has now ascended into rugged Big Damn Hero status, sacrificing himself for the sake of the folk on the helicopter.

I’m not really big into all the shipper stuff, but I have to admit that I really dug the scene when Sawyer jumped out of the helicopter in order for Kate to have safe passage to the freighter. This was a scene that not only continued to develop their relationship, but it also showed how far Sawyer has come as a character.

Sawyer looks deep in thought then whispers something into Kate's ear. He then gives her an intensely passionate kiss then in one swift motion he breaks away and jumps off the helicopter into the sea.


We don't need to pimp OUR hero, OUR kiss or OUR couple, the whole world is doing it for us!

Anonymous said...

Total, utter destruction. Theres blood all over the place in here.

Anonymous said...

Fish, fish, fish,

You're supposed to bleed them, not fucking kill them like you just did.

PHENOMENAL entry, as others have said some absolutely vintage shit right here.

TheDome

Anonymous said...

There is something really twisted about a group of shippers who have to blame everyone and everything - Kate, Aaron, the Island, Juliet, Sawyer, a promise, Christian, and probably Vincent - for the ugliness of their ship. It's always Kate's fault that the relationship isn't working. Jack gets a pass no matter what he does. What is wrong with these people? Do they hate women?

Jate seems to be more about worshiping at the altar of Jack than it does about appreciating the growth of a man and a woman, and the strengthening of their bond. Oh right, that's Skate.

Nobody can pop bubbles as loudly as you can, Fish. Long may you reign.

Saska

Freckles said...

Fish,awesome as always.I've spent most of the time laughing,while I was reading.

Well I love to watch Imaginary Lost.But actually we're not the only one.It seems that the media watch it.

thesimulacrumistrue said...

"We Skaters have to put up with the fact that Jack and Kate exist. Sure they feel like a big ugly stain in the middle of an otherwise incredible story, but we can't wish them away as figments of our Imagination."

Oh exactly. Exactly.

And I love that the Bubbleheads keep coming back to Adam and Eve! Do they even remember that Kate (Our vengeful pappa-killin' goddess-figure) responded to Jack's Move to the Caves Plan with "I don't want to be Eve?" Might that not be significant? (I do have to admit it will be endlessly disappointing if it turns out that all Kate's feminist subtext/text turns out to be an "obstacle" to her becoming patriarchy's ultimate doormat. My apologies for the big nasty political words.)

But don't worry folks, Jack'll get her there even if it kills them both.

Thanks so much Fish, I'll be laughing at this one all day long.

-thesimulacrumistrue

"Jate may be fate, but these days it's looking a lot like doom..."

Anonymous said...

Gabbie said:
I love repeating myself. I don't give a flying f*** what any paper or blog says. My point is that none of this stupid s*** is going to matter when the show has ended and one ship will be a big group of sarcastic and "witty" losers.



Gabbie, is your name Damon or Carlton? If not, then you have no idea how the show is going to end and which group of shippers will be the “sarcastic and not-so-witty losers”. But keep ignoring all the reviews, keep ignoring what the show is actually telling us, refuse to see it at all, and keep chanting your JIF mantra, and that’s Imaginary Lost. You’ve just proven the point of this blog.

icekat55 said...

You’ve just proven the point of this blog.

I adore the Jaters that do that. The ones that lurk on FB, and this blog, and either run crying back to the Couch with "I just read this and this and waaaaaaah, Skaters are big MEANIES and JIF and stuff!", or they feel the need to jump in with some more good batshit and attempt to confront us head-on. THOSE are the ones who amuse me the most. So thank you Fish, for this brilliant-as-usual entry, and thank you too to the jidiotic Jate-clan, who continue to bring the funny!

Anonymous said...

Well, great entry Fish!

I'm not a shipper but I love Kate no matter what.

Jennifer said...

Both ships say the most delusional shit. Sometimes it amazes me. But I must say that the Jaters are really really crazy. Mainly because there is so much skate on the show that they must come up with ridiculous ways to make it non relevant. (A Jater actually said that Sawyer took advantage of Kate in the cage. He should have ASKED her if she wanted to have sex, considering the emotional wreck she was at that moment). Never mind that she was emotional because she wanted Sawyer to escape...and that she initiated the kiss and never hesitated.

Sand said...

I think some skaters and jaters are in denial and delusional from time to time. For me, i refused to believe that kate love jack romantically until i saw her jump sawyer in C22. I almost forgot it but then kate says yes and cries happily in SNBH. IMO, kate is gonna filp flop along the way till the end though she slaps jack across the face but i don't get the feeling that she see the real self-centered jack. It's more like he ruined her happy jamily and she s sad about it.

Anonymous said...

"Is this like some sick menage a trois shirt color code we're seeing here? I don't understand Non Imaginary Lost! It's so subtle!"

That is fantastic right there. Seriously. Pure genius.

I am a Jater and I can appreciate this post because 90% of shipper fandoms are freaking insane. It's true; they are full of CIP's (crazy internet people, if you aren't a Lauren Graham worshipper).

The need to convince one side or the other that your ship is the all mighty ship and no one else can have an opinion is kind of like forcing your religion on someone. Shippers are kind of like mini Hitlers. If you aren't with us, you're against us, and we're going to have shipper wars to prove we are right.

Oh shipper wars. So dumb. Such a waste of time. Why not just make funny post like this?

And the whole 'let's put j in front of every word' kind of drives you insane. Sometimes you want to be like "It's Coldplay, not Joldplay! Stop it!"

But alas, shippers are just insane. Period. That's why they flock to the internet to analyze EVERYTHING. And why they post 24/7 during hiatuses.

Ah, mini rant, but your post just inspired me to talk about how crazy shippers are. The quotes you pulled out pretty much sum up how weird it can get.

And as a true Jater, the Adam and Eve theory freaks me out.

Great post! I don't love drunk, pill popping Jack and anyone who does needs to just get kicked in the face, so I totally appreciate the whole part "Unless your nose is broke, it's your fault" cause I'll admit it, Jack has lost his mind!

Oh and people actually think Sawyer loved Cassidy? Oh em gee. Too much.

But as crazy as the Jaters are, I'm sure we could do a similar post with Skaters. Not many are sane in the Lost shipping fandom.

Henry Holland said...

Please note that I think both Jaters AND Skaters are as insane as all the patients in Santa Rosa X a billion, but that was some funny stuff, FB.

just like Jack has NEVER given up on Kate (except when he left her in handcuffs with killers because he was mad she screwed Sawyer)

Ben: We're not killers, James.

Have to stick up for my peeps, The Others.

isabelle said...

fish, this is THE FUNNIEST thing i have ever read in my entire life! you are awesome!! LMAO!!! i love all of your stuff and i think you are a fantastic writer, but this by far is my fave read yet. it even tops the SNBH review which i thought was pure genius.

jaters are freaking hilarious!!!!!

thanks for doing this. and a suggestion, collate a few more idiotic jater BS posts, and do a Imaginary Lost Part 2. i love reading this stuff!!!!!!

its been said before, but no one brings the funny quite like you!!

:) :) :) :)