WELCOME HOME?

No show does up a finale like Lost does. While online fans might dissect these three overstuffed hours and find flaws to quibble with, there is no denying the sheer quantity of entertainment value that was lovingly packed into this episode. Every single credited cast member made an appearance, which added to the lushness and density of the story being told. It was better than 90% of the movies you'd pay $10 to see. And you got to watch it in your skivvies while drinking a beer! The real "meaning" of Lost is entertainment and the writers, on that front, haven't lost a beat.

There were multiple flashbacks throughout to seasons past, with special nods to season finales of the past. The beautiful Michael Giacchino score from Season One's plane boarding sequence in Exodus was reprised during many critical moments.

As the parties were converging on the Orchid Station.

When the chopper first lifted off and everyone enjoyed one delusional moment of ecstasy.

And when Ben sacrificed all he loved to save the Island he loved most of all.

When the lights of Searcher appeared out of the darkness,

it echoed another Season One finale moment - the moment when Tom's band of pirates fooled the raft riders and kidnapped Walt. It was chilling to watch the light approach, remembering the horror that image created the last time we saw it on this show. There were other Season One moments that were gently hinted at throughout this episode. The moment from the Pilot when Sawyer pulls Kate up the cliff.

The unforgettable sight of AquaJames emerging from the sea, in remembrance of the classic moment from Confidence Man.

We were reminded of the brief, touching friendship that Michael and Sun shared in Season One,

before it all went so horribly wrong.

Season Two was not disrespected. It got its share of shoutouts. There were Old Style Others, who have resumed their back country camping habits while dressed like medieval serfs.

There were darts in the neck!

From Season Three, there was the comic irony of Ben having to ask Kate to free him from his handcuffs.

Finale Walt made his annual appearance, reminding us yet again of the warp speed of human puberty.

Jack stumbled through the episode with a gushing gut wound in almost a mirror image of Locke in the Season Three finale.

The opening scene of the second part beautifully knit together the last time we had seen Jack and Kate in the airport parking lot.

I know what you were thinking, but no, she didn't back up to run him over - just to give him a little piece of her mind.

Lost's mascot, The White Rabbit, was sprinkled throughout this finale. From the rabbit's foot the nervous Coast Guard pilot was rubbing as he ferried the famous Oceanic Six into Hawaii's airport

to Edgar Halliwax's fifteenth test subject

to the decor on Aaron's bedroom door.

Apparently, in some way I'm sure they'll explain to us someday, it's still About Bunnies.

The Numbers were back as well. They were just mischievously lying around in that way they like to do, hiding on the tail of the helicopter,

on the odometer of Hurley's souped up Chevy,

and all throughout this stunningly inappropriate party Hurley's parents threw, where - according to the ever helpful Lostpedia, there were: 4 palm trees on the lanai, 8 helium balloons tied by the pool, 15 presents on the lanai table, 16 party hats worn by background individuals, 23 & 42 were the numbers on the jerseys worn on the 2 boys crossing over the pool right after the DJ was shown. Now, don't tell me you missed that.

I don't think there was an out of tune number anywhere in this episode. The bunny had the number 15. The crackers Ben dug out of the ground were 15 years old.

And the Oceanic Six, as we learned in their homecoming press conference, had finally washed up on inhabited earth on the 108th day of their ordeal.

This finale had action.

It had little dashes of comedy.

Even a pee joke!

And what would a Lost finale be without some loopy pseudo scientific deus ex machina?

We were suitably warned ahead of time that this finale would have a lot of romance in it as well. And not just the crude shorthand of Triangle for Dummies, like Sawyer scowling as Kate inspects Jack's suppurating ooze.

They promised us a "bounty" of romance, with many kisses - one of which, we were incessantly reminded, would be Spectaculah!!! There were indeed many kisses in this episode, but the debate now rages on message boards, in the way that only Lost fans can convolute an argument, as to which kiss was in fact THE definitive Spectacular Kiss of all time. Was it this one?

Nah. Sweet but ... nah.

This one might have been more satisfying if we didn't already know Nadia has about a month before she kicks the proverbial bucket.

It was a finale, after all, and Jack, as we are always reminded, is the leading character. So one would expect any truly spectacular kiss would have to involve him. So which kiss could it be? When Mama Jocasta laid one on him?

Or when he gave the kiss of life to that cutey Desmond?

OK, Ok, all kidding aside, we all know

which were the two spectacular kisses in this episode.

(Gifs courtesy of Spunky)

But comparing them is beside the point, because they were not mutually exclusive. They were in every way complementary. One was a kiss of reunion, of lovers reunited after eight long years of often bitter separation.

The other was the kiss of lovers being parted, seemingly forever, by an insurmountable wall of time, space and science fiction.

The kisses were spaced at even points in the episode, near the ends of each of the last two hours. Just as one was the fulfillment of a promise made,

the other was the humble request of a new promise.

We know the promise becomes sacred to Kate and that she keeps it secret even three years into the future. We also know that, just like Penelope, Kate will become briefly engaged to another man. And just like Desmond, we know that, when our story resumes Sawyer will have spent three years stranded on a magical island, lost in time and space. The parallel of the two couples was beautifully done. This was not an episode to fight about which kiss was more spectacular. This was an episode to celebrate romantic love at its most magical.

Sawyer watched Kate disappear.

And Kate watched Sawyer disappear.

Many wheels are going to have to turn, all in the right alignment, before Time and Space reunite them.

But don't worry, we'll wait.

Those of us who spend too much time online reading about Lost know that the writers create code names for the secret plot device to be used in each of their finales. Last year's magnificent plot twist was nicknamed The Snake in the Mailbox, which really was not a very descriptive clue. But this years code name, The Frozen Donkey Wheel, was in fact, entirely literal! Clever work, boys, hiding it in plain sight like that. The wheel that would be turned to move the island was located in a station known as the Orchid.

One genus of orchid is the Donkey Orchid, named for its appearance reminiscent of a donkey's (or a bunny's) big ears.

And buried deep beneath the orchid nursery, there was indeed a Wheel. A Frozen Wheel. To which Ben yoked himself much like a very determined Donkey.

"Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice." - Robert Frost

Some were tempted to sneer at the literalness of this device, but I think that misses the nuance. The wheel is an important symbol. In Buddhism, the Wheel of Dharma is depicted by an eight spoked wheel, symbolizing both the Eightfold Path and the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism. It isn't a stretch to see this symbol

with the curves straightened out to become the Octagon - the geometric shape of choice for The Dharma Initiative.

The Noble Truths teach that life is suffering, that suffering is caused by attachment to things that are subject to change and thus can never be held. The way to enlightenment is by freeing oneself from the delusion of Ego and, in the process, freeing oneself from captivity in the endless Wheel of Birth and Death. In Buddhism, when the Wheel of Dharma is "turned", another level is added to understanding. But on Lost, the turning meant something more physically impressive.

"Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world." - Archimedes

The passion on Ben's face as he pushed the frozen wheel and forced the Island to move was Ben's heroic moment. Sure, it's a little hard to see this skeevy little ratfink as heroic. Especially after he stabbed Keamy in the throat setting off the Dead Man's Switch that destroyed the freighter. Especially after his reaction to knowing he'd just killed dozens of people was "So?" But that's looking at Ben in the wrong way, I think. Whatever Lost is about, it doesn't seem to be about traditional moral judgments.

The name Jeremy Bentham was all over this episode. Apparently, the name John Locke has become a kind of Voldemort, a name that can not be spoken, a name that has become a kind of curse. Locke has traded in the name of one seminal philosopher for another, and his choice of great thinker was a meaningful one. Jeremy Bentham is the inventor of the concept of Panopticon, where prisoners can be unknowingly surveilled by an "invisible omniscience", much like the Hydra prisoners were observed, even in their most...er, intimate of moments.

Jeremy Bentham's body is preserved, known as the Auto Icon, in South Cloisters of University College London.

The body is not a mere prop. In fact, every fifty years, the Auto Icon makes an appearance as "present but not voting" at College Council meetings and, should an unbreakable tie emerge, Jeremy Bentham indeed votes - but always on the side of carrying the motion. Does this signal a future role for our very own Locke in a Box?

Something along these lines maybe?

Jeremy Bentham's most important contribution to the world of thinkology is the theory of Utilitarianism, also known as the Greatest Happiness Principle. It is a system of ethics built not on rules, like the Ten Commandments, but on goals - specifically the goal of causing the greatest happiness to the greatest possible number while causing the least possible pain. Thinking along those lines, is it possible that Ben behaved ethically in letting the freighter explode, because it enabled him to serve the greater good by saving the Island?

Uh...maybe Ben isn't the best example. A better example would be Frank, who doggedly dragged along as many survivors as he could, in any given situation, without letting panic fog his judgment.

Or adorkable Daniel, in his skinny tie, feverishly ferrying doomed redshirts. (Actually, that didn't turn out to be all that utilitarian, but his heart was in the right place.)

Or Michael, who tried as valiantly as he could to right the unrightable wrongs, and who remained true to himself, still thinking only of the next generation.

Or Jin, who stayed with Michael, trying to decipher the bomb,

buying those few precious seconds that allowed Sun and Ji Yeon to survive, even though it meant he would never share another minute of happiness with either of them.

Or Richard, who was both timely and useful.

Or Juliet, who put her hero's money where her mouth was and actually did as she promised to do. Unlike Jack, she was determined not to leave until she had gotten everyone else off first.

It only puts Jack's callous disregard for this woman, his lifesaver, in an even more pitiful light. Juliet's imprisonment on the enchanted Island continues.

It's going to hurt a whole lot more in the morning when the full scope of this painful reality hits her like a ton of bricks.

Desmond was selfless throughout the episode, trying to save the strangers on the freighter, trying to warn off the helicopter without thought to his own salvation

and in the end he was rewarded.

But his battle back to Penny had been hard fought and fraught with pain.

It will be interesting to see what role, if any, Desmond will play in the mythology of Lost, now that the sailor is home from the sea, and Ulysses is back in the arms of his Penelope.

When it comes to embodying the true spirit of Utilitarianism, however, Sawyer took home the blue ribbon. For a character we barely saw onscreen this year, he underwent the most profound growth perhaps of anyone. In the first episode of this season, a bitter Sawyer left Kate with the terse explanation that he was interested in only one thing - survivin'. But by the end of this season, he was a man forever changed, in Kate's eyes as well as our own.

He delivered the all important Precious into the arms of his Frodo.

He had made sure Jack didn't die alone.

He and Freckles had patched things up with the sweetest of forgiving smiles.

He made sure his li'l buddy got home safe.

He was happy, finally, for the first time in forever, and juiced to get off that rock and go try his luck back in the real world. There was momentary exhilaration,

then the realization that the helicopter was too heavy to make it to the freighter with leaking fuel. The understanding of what had to be done passed swiftly across Sawyer's face.

Knowing either the fall or the swim could kill him, his last thought was of the little daughter whom he had abandoned.

If you're like me, you've got to take the word of those with superior sound systems for this, but apparently his last words to Kate were "I have a daughter in Albuquerque. Find her. Tell her I'm sorry." He kissed Kate one last time, looked deeply into her eyes, and then to her horror,

he threw himself into space.

Kate and his friends were saved and able to save Desmond, Sun, Aaron and Ji Yeon, because Sawyer sacrificed his own happiness for the greater happiness of the greater number. Utilitarianism in action. Jeremy Bentham would have been proud.

And for the "greatest happiness" to the audience, they let us see him pop back up. There will be Sawyer in Season Five! Thanks for not making us worry about that for nine months.

Knowing now how Sawyer actually came to be left behind, Jack's cruel words to Kate in Something Nice Back Home take on a decidedly more dickish quality. This sacrifice that saved his own life is what Jack meant by Sawyer "choosing to stay".

And apparently this is what he meant by "I SAVED YOU!"

- dragging her back into the helicopter because he couldn't leave without her. It's a partial truth that he saved Kate's life by forcing her to leave Jin. But only the smallest of parts. A great confluence of forces saved the Oceanic Six and Desmond. Sawyer saved them. Jin saved them. Michael saved them. Frank saved them. Juliet saved them. Even Locke, by buying a few extra moments plugging Keamy's neck wound, helped save them. So why is Jack trying to take credit, rather than giving gratitude to all those who sacrificed so he could go back to living the high life in L.A.?

gouge away
you can gouge away...
i break the walls
and kill us all
with holy fingers - The Pixies

Things have worked out for Jack about as horrendously as they possibly could. For one thing, Kate hasn't just dumped him, she hates his guts.

For another, he's got a monkey on his back the size of a gorilla. His father is still all up in his head, maybe louder than ever. But what's really haunting Jack is The Lie. And it's not all that easy to see just which lie is killing him the most. There's the Big Lie, of course.

Hours after seeing the Island vanish into a ripple in time, Jack announces to his devastated shipmates that a lie must be told. Not just about some things, but about "every moment since we crashed". Jack is back to being a non reluctant leader almost instantly. He takes responsibility for the Lie and elects himself as Liar in Chief.

It begins at the homecoming, when Jack agrees on behalf of everyone, without asking anyone, that the Oceanic Six will speak to the press about their miraculous voyage to the island of Membata (which translates as ambivalence, subtlety not being Losts's strong point these days.)

It continues until the moment in the parking lot when he begs Kate to abandon the Lie that has done nothing to keep anyone safe. But by this point, neither Kate nor any of the other survivors are looking to Jack for advice about anything.

(gif courtesy of susan14509 and Helena)

The motivation for the Lie was very confusing. Was Jack merely following Locke's command that he must lie about everything? Did the sight of the Island disappearing into thin air finally convince Jack that the Man of Faith, that loony old fool, was right about everything all along?

Or did Jack truly believe, as we heard Sayid and Hurley repeat, that the Lie would somehow "protect" those left behind on the Island - despite the fact no one could possibly know that was true in any way? According to Jack, the Lie was meant to protect the Oceanic Six from the wrath of Widmore, who had planted (maybe) the wreckage of a faked Flight 815 on the floor of the ocean. But how does the Lie protect them? Wouldn't Widmore want to seek them out and silence them quickly, if he were in fear of any leaks to his operation? Perhaps that is what happened to Nadia, but no one has threatened any of the O6. And what about Walt - isn't he a threat to the lie? What about Jack's perjury at Kate's trial, which is a kind of double perjury, considering he directly contradicted his words at the press conference? A lie is a many headed hydra, with a thousand ways of reaching around to bite you in the ass.

Because of the Lie, Jack and Kate have inadvertently kidnapped the grandson of a grieving mother.

Why has Kate kept Aaron? Why didn't she stay on Penny's boat, enjoying exactly the anonymity that would have freed her from the consequences of her crimes? Why didn't the Lie list Claire as one of the survivors, so that Aaron could be sent to live with his rightful family?

What greater happiness justifies all the pain that Kate's claim on Aaron may cause?

It is interesting that, alone among the survivors, Kate has not appeared to be suffering in exile. She has found her constant in Aaron,

and perhaps it is this selflessness that is saving her. Perhaps keeping Aaron off the island is really the most important thing. But with 3AM phone calls telling her to go back to the Island,

and Aaron's true mother ordering her to keep Aaron away from the Island

...I'm guessing Kate's torments are probably about to begin.

Because of the Lie, Sun's grief has turned to steely determination and she is ruthlessly pursuing justice against the second man she blames for Jin's death.

Is the second man Jack?

Possibly. Jack thinks so, but then, Jack tends to assume that everything is about him. It might be Ben that she blames and that might be why she's teaming up with Widmore.

Or perhaps she blames Widmore himself, and is only trying to get as close as she possibly can to her enemy. What did she mean about "other people" getting off the island? Does she plan to give up Desmond to gain some advantage with Widmore? Or was it Jeremy Bentham she had intel on?

It will be most interesting to find out what "common interests" Sun shares with Widmore.

Whatever it is, as badass as Future Sun has become, I'm betting on her and hoping she will stay safe.

Because of the Lie, Hurley is insane. His closest companions these days are ghosts, from Charlie to Mr. Eko

...who apparently isn't much of a chess player. Hurley seems to be suffering greatly after rescue, but it is unclear what sin he has done to deserve such a penance. Is he being punished for his lack of courage when the helicopter needed weight letting?

Of all those who were rescued, Hurley feels the pangs of guilt first.

Which doesn't seem fair. Hurley has always been a humble soul. He gave away the cursed lottery winnings

and went back to a suicidal diet of saturated fats. Trapped between the world of the living and the world of the dead, between sanity and lunacy, Hurley's journey home from Oz has left him with no place like home at all.

The Lie gave Sayid a momentary happiness,

but his loss has ended up being very great. He lost Nadia first, and then he lost his humanity. A coldblooded avenger of another man's wrongs, at the end of the episode, he rescues Hurley from the sanitarium, putting in place a most intriguing new duo for Season Five.

We learned something new about Jack, something that was only hinted at by his casual perjury at Kate's trial. He is a world class liar of the finest quality.

"If you don't lie and if you think of others first and if you listen to your father..." - Blue Fairy to Pinocchio

As Kate noted early in the episode, Jack lies while looking you straight in the eye, which is the mark of a true pro. While the others fretted on the incoming journey about the press to be faced, Jack alone was comfortable enough to sleep.

While the others, especially Kate and Sun, appeared devastated and empty at the press conference, Jack showed them the way by lying with relaxed confidence.......And wouldn't you know it, but that's another thing frakking Locke was right about.

Before they parted, after having yet another classic Faith & Science showdown, Locke left Jack these words of wisdom: "Lie to them, Jack. If you do it half as well as you lie to yourself, they'll believe you."

And lying to himself is what Jack is best at. He doesn't admit to himself that he's living proof of the old adage, Like Father, Like Son.

He's a drunk like his dad. He's a bully like his dad. He puts his own selfish vices ahead of taking care of a kid, just like his dad. Christian always told Jack he was no hero, that he didn't have what it takes. And Jack is lying to himself about that as well. He insults Sawyer's sacrifice because it's easier to lie to himself than remember that when the moment came, Sawyer's love was true. He lies to himself that he "saved" Kate, because there's no circuit in Jack's makeup that will let him admit that he failed utterly at the promises he made to so many others.

He has lied to himself that he is the natural leader he willingly presents himself as, because otherwise he'd have to admit he fell apart when all hell broke loose, and was as helpless as any other frail human to control the catastrophes that erupted that day. Much as he'd like to imagine it true,

Jack knows he was no one's saviour. Until the very end of the episode, he lies to himself that he was right to ignore Locke's faith based belief that the Island was not just an island - it was a place where miracles happen.

We don't know when the horrifying truth dawned on him that Locke had been right all along. It didn't seem that the sight of the Island flashing before his eyes convinced him,

but maybe secretly it did. Maybe it was when Jeremy Bentham came to tell him that the Lie had done nothing to prevent Very, Very Bad Things from happening to the left-behinders, but by then Jack's oxy-whisky diet had rendered his brain defunct. Trying to re-crash via airplane was not the proper course of action. Jack finally realized he can't do this on his own.

We learned a lot in this episode. We got Answers! We found out how Jack discovered his connection to Aaron. We found out how Ben landed in the Sahara desert wearing a fur coat and bleeding from his right arm.

We found out how Jin died.

We saw all the horrific events that Kate has spent the last three years trying to forget and why she thinks it's lunacy to imagine there is a way to return.

We found out that the lie was not ordained upon the Oceanic Six by some evil corporate conspiracy, but was instead the spontaneous concoction of Cap'n Jack.

We found out that whacky time travel hijinks can have magical outcomes, in the beautiful reunion of Desmond and Penny.

We found out that Lost can no longer be described as anything other than a Science Fiction story,

and speaking for myself, I learned I can be OK with that, if they can always remember it's the characters we mostly care about and love.

Not that there weren't a great many questions left unanswered.

Which one of these fisherfolk thought to run into their lean to and pull out the camera to pap this shot?

Why does Miles want to stay behind and what does it mean that globetrotting C.S. Lewis was apparently born on the Island?

Was this

what Hurley was envisioning when we saw him make this drawing in the season premiere?

Why was everyone having such a great time at Christian's funeral,

and why weren't they memorializing the lost souls from Oceanic 815 instead?

And most importantly, why did Sawyer take his shirt off to swim the Ironman ...but leave his pants on?

What we didn't learn much about was the Island itself. What IS that thing anyway? It's clear that turning the Frozen Donkey Wheel, in addition to moving the island in Space, moved Ben in Time as well - to the seemingly random date of Oct. 24, 2005. What does that tell us about Widmore?

Did he once move the Island and was he expelled from Eden like Ben was? If so, what transgression did Widmore commit on the Island? And when in time might Widmore have been on the Island? Given his interest in the Black Rock,

is it possible Widmore hails from some distant time, say 1845?

We learned also, as we have been learning all season, that the Island is a Force that is greater even than individual free will. The Island prevented Michael from dying until his handyman skills had bought enough time for Christian Shephard's grandson to fly to safety - and away from the Island.

Aaron's mystical destiny remains a riddle, but it seems both Mommy and Grandpop want him the hell off that Island.

We got a tease about what happened to the Island when Hallifax's video said that bunnies placed in the time travelling device "appear to disappear, when in reality..." and then the tape automatically rewound.

What was up with that? We were so close!...Unless, reversal itself is a clue. Reversed tapes. Reversed voices on the phone. Reversed, as in...going back?

We know that Locke is the ultimate true believer in the Island, the inheritor of Ben's mantle.

He was the one who truly "chose to stay". So why was he travelling the world trying to sound the alarums to everyone who had left before him? We know Very Very Bad Things happened on the Island. Is it possible that Locke had to turn the wheel again in order to serve the Greatest Happiness, in order to send back to the Island those who the Island demanded? It would have been a very Utilitarian thing for the future Auto Icon to do.

Buddhism isn't the only philosophy that describes truth through the metaphor of a Wheel.

In the Christian Middle Ages, the Wheel also symbolized the inevitable and repetitive cycles of life. If one is in a state of Happiness

it is only a matter of time until the Wheel of Life brings Loss

and Loss creates Suffering

which ends with the cycle of the wheel back to Hope.

The only escape from the tyranny of the wheel is to conquer the ego and accept that life is not within our power to control. For grade A type A material like Jack, this is the toughest pill of all to swallow. When he returns to the Locke Box at the end of the episode, he is in every way a broken man. He's ready. He finally takes that first step every alcoholic needs to take.

He submits.

To a Higher Power. In this case, Ben.

Ben is not the kind of leader who falters in tough situations. Ben always has a plan. And he's going to take Jack's hand and help him collect all the broken pieces of his world. They're going back to the Island now. All of them.

You better get a move on, boys. That corpse ain't gonna keep.

It's going to be a long, strange trip. We can't wait to see how you pull this one off.


A special thanks to Helena, susan14509, Spunky and Lyly Ford for gifs and screencaps provided. And thanks to DarkUFO and all the loyal readers of this review. And thanks to Lost, for another great season!