Girl Talk

After the Jerry Springer promos for this episode, I think I speak for many fans when I say it actually was a pleasant surprise! Kate talked to girls the whole episode (except erm, for her requisite weekly penance session with Jack). She talked to her mommy dearest. She talked to her new BFF, Juliet. She talked and bonded and almost got all Thelma and Louise with Sawyer's baby mama. It felt sorta strange seeing Kate without a couple of men around her. Of course the only thing she talked to any of the girls about was...uh, men...but hey, gotta start someplace.

They talked about bad guys and wrong guys and guys you jest cain't help lovin'. They talked about guys who betray you and guys who beat your mom and guys who watch you on videotape having sex with another guy. They talked about guys who want to put you in jail and guys you want to put in jail and little girly guys who get all weepy with a 'broken heart' if you don't bang them...and then leave you flat in handcuffs to get killed by creeps with gasmasks and automatic weapons. Oh, man, they talked about that one - the widdle bwoken heart traitor one - a lot. Couldn't shut them up!

But you know what they didn't talk about? They didn't talk about HOW the Others have this really sweet town with lights and toilets right there in the middle of mystery island - like where's the power plant? They didn't talk about how Juliet got there or why she wanted to handcuff herself to Kate and run around getting her ass kicked. No mention of why Juliet's friends kidnapped Kate, or why she was breaking rocks or why these freaks didn't just give Kate and Sawyer a nice room with a jacuzzi and room service and shit if they wanted them to have videotape sex! Doesn't Kate have any curiosity? All she wants to know is if Jack's widdle heart is really and truly broken. She finds out Juliet is a liar with her pants on fire, and still doesn't ask any questions, like how did Juliet know where to find Jack? Kate has really got to start smartening up.
The Labyrinthine Love Triangle
This episode was like all the shipper dogwhistles in the Lost romantic universe all went off at the same time at slightly different frequencies.. Can anyone tell me just exactly what the writers were getting at here? Let's try a few theories:
-Jack is the man Kate can't help lovin'.Just like her dear ole maw. Kate's mom was addicted to a dirty dog who hit her. But Kate has progressed to being addicted to a brilliant surgeon



...who leaves her in handcuffs with killers. At least she's trying to move up in social class!

Or maybe this episode was more about that man who hurt Kate's soulmate Cassidy... You know who that is. The dirty bad no-good cage sex freak hillbilly...



..."The wrong man!" Eh? But maybe only wrong for Cassidy, cuz....

He was acting a lot less wrong back on the beach.



... I think we'll come back to this particular dogwhistle a little later, ok?

Getting back to poor fucked up Kate, she has a big problem given that her mother was a mean soul shriveling bitch. Who not only made her kid grow up in hell, but was also actively assisting the federal marshalls to get Kate arrested. Kate loved this witch so much she ....uh, committed a bizarre and totally unbelievable crime to save her. BUT Kate was wrong (obviously) to try and help this woman...Just like she was wrong to try and help Dr. Prick...who threw her in jail in handcuffs with people a whole lot skeerier than U.S. Federal Marshalls.....

So, trying to hear through all the screeching of the dogwhistles, I think one primary message did emerge, one obvious conclusion about who Jack represents in Kate's heart and mind:



... ta dum! Kate's original hero - MOMMY!

And now for some delightful refreshment...(Too bad we can't add some reggae music)








Sun is not so easily charmed by that charming smile...



Sawyer is crestfallen...


This JULIET is one weird chick.
What IS up with Juliet? She has a lot more than just that handcuff key up her sleeve. So she handcuffed herself to Kate. Which means she wasn't gassed? She just decided to handcuff herself and what - carry? - Kate into the jungle and pretended to be gassed? She didn't know about the monster but she knew it "doesn't like our fence"? (It must be noted the Monster did seem to want something from Juliet the way he flashed her...and she did seem genuinely terrified.) She also knew exactly where Jack was. Where he had been gassed. Or...had he?

Somethings up with these two.



Jack seems to need to know where she is every second and she seems to know waaaay too much highly personal information for a guy she just met. Come to think of it, that stalkerish tendency she has is another nice way Juliet mirrors Jack. ... . Hmm, what are they getting at here?

"Letters to Fishbiscuit"

Dear Fishbiscuit,

What the fuck is wrong with these Jate mother-fuckers. I'm reading fucking shit about how:

1. Kate was wrong to make her own sexual choices and owes repentance to Jack for it.

2. Kate was wrong to disobey Jack and follow her own instincts that he needed rescue.

I know feminism has taken a big mother-fucking back step in recent years, to the point where women often feel empowered by dissing the very fucking idea of it, but how can people say this bullshit and still call themselves modern women?

Fucking bewildered as all hell.
The Female Eunuch.

Dear Fishbiscuit,
Apparently there were some Jaters out there who pumped their fists in the air screaming 'Take that Bitch-whore!' when Kate debased herself yet again in a humble apology to Jack who continued to act like the monumental prick and ass-munch that we all know he is.

Can you explain to me how anyone finds this romantic?
Confused,
The Female Gender

Fishbiscuit opens the floor to the comments section for an answer on this one. Fishbiscuit is as perplexed as the rest of you.


And ZOMGZ did you see that promo? Kate walks right up to SoySoy and gives him a big fat SKUG! Right in front of Jack! And Muffin! Oh, wow, do you think that means Jack will turn to JuJu now to kiss his booboos? It's like instead of just one-j jex we might end up with JJex! But first maybe some JJisses and some JJugs *giggle* One thing's for sure, between SoySoy and JuJu next week, we're in for some FunFun. *pullshairout*

Credit to Spunky at L-F for the above animation. Read more...

Recap in the pipeline for last night's epi. In the meantime, inspired by the remarkable literary offering provided by the Jaters, I now present to you Fishbiscuit's first foray into the world of fan fic--honoring the cosmic coupling of Jack and Tom. I hope that their story inspires your reading as much as it did my writing.

Two Hearts Bleeding As One

Tom inched down the hallway, his heart doing jumping jacks and various acrobatic maneuvers insde the bony portion of his chest cavity. It was now or never. Nothing could keep him away from what destiny had decreed he should amalgamate his soul with. He peeked around the edge of the cold, clammy wooden door apparatus, and his lukewarm breath caught in his throat. There he was, leaning over the pool table's verdant field of green felt like a swimmer poised to dive into a gypsy pool. His fingers flexed erotically over the smooth pool cue. Where had Jack learned to play pool like that? It seemed a magical gift emanating from his past painful history that he could carry such talent within his tortured heroic frame. The words that left Tom were rushed, breathless, almost gynecological in proportion. "I brought your sandwich."

Jack turned, his muscles flexing and tears stood in his deep socketed brown ocular lenses. Could it really be? But... he'd told him he didn't want a sandwich. Tom's words played a prelude and fugue on the strings of his inner violin which lurked deep in his emotional core. Why hadn't he gone back to the other Others, the ones he really loved? Did this mean... Could it mean... Did Tom love him?

Jack's heart crumpled in his pneumothorax like a porkchop that had been cooked too long. Tom's eyes glazed over with etymological longings, a pure concertina of masculine emotion and he wanted to say so much, words his soul gushed forth like a fire hydrant by a sidewalk, but Jack couldn't understand. They were both too scared to admit this yearning besottedness.

Jack's agile fingers flexed like he was yearning for a scalpel to draw across Tom's translucent skin in tangential patterns much resembling a bizarre crop circle formation. It was always this way. Torn between pounding passion and disgust bordering on acid reflux after too much guacamole. "Why?!" Was all he could manage in a strangled whisper as his Adam's apple became lodged in his throat, in need of an emotional tracheotomy.

Tom's posture was stooped, defeated, like a man drowning in his own sweat after mowing the lawns. "Because I can't leave without you Jack. Stay here and die. Come with me...and live." His voice was fragile and discombobulated, as though any moment the fear would break it into a quadrillion shards of liquid nitrogen.

Jack reached out his hand, slowly, tentatively...like a sloth with bad crotch itch and finally took the grilled cheese sandwich. "Bring me some toothpicks and I'll think about it."

Tom's large hands which looked like sausages, only they weren't, extended across the verdent green of the pool table toward Jack who was standing, his emotions encased in a velutinous down jacket of calidity he had never experienced before. "I've, I've never experienced this before," Tom stuttered slowly, his words tripping over each other like a disarticulated slinky trying to ambulate down stairs. "Not even when I was with Ben."

Jack felt his heart clutch in his chest like a sticky brake. "You, you were with Ben?" He couldn't believe what he was processing aurally. Surely the rushing of the freight train of blood in his ears was hindering his auditory sensations. "But I, I thought that I was going to be your first..."

Tom oscillated his head with melancholy dolor. "It will be like the first time with you."

Jack looked deeply into Tom’s sincere orbs, his hope wavering like a newborn colt still shaky on its inexperienced legs. Finally, he understood that Tom was telling the truth and it hit him right in the solar plexus, taking his breath away just like that time he’d gotten hit by the handlebars of Sarah’s bike. Sarah, oh god! Finally HE wouldn’t have to be the one that was strong and brave, the tall one. His heart jumped like a frog that had sat on a scalding hot rock as he thought of how it would feel to have strong arms to hold him, a broad and cushioned chest on which he could rest his tired head. He was so exhausted from always having to be everybody’s role model. He never asked for that burden but he had carried it with his head erect and had kept his pain buried deep in the folds of his brave but slender frame.

It was so hard. Nobody deserved this quaking surge of mellow bliss like them, but how could it be counted on? Time wheeled them away from each other like a hospital gurney on wheels with clean sheets, and they held on to each other in this cosmic emptiness of unembellished purple sky while they both knew that whether in this life or the one that comes after this life, the next life, they'd face eternity in each others coiled arms, strong like snakes and flexing forever, snakelike. "I told you not to come back for me!" Tom said, knowing that his guilt would forever hover over his body as a human posterior hovers over a toilet.

"I didn't think you meant it ," Jack crooned, his soliloquy of vigorous verbiage eclipsing his pain.

"Jack..." Tom warbled softly as a lark heralding the rosy dawn; almost overcome by the burgeoning need to articulate his growing, and surging desire to utter his paramour's nomenclature, with a reverance that held every hope and dream for a forbidden future together. "Jack!" He repeated more imperiously, with the conviction of a dying man signing his own death warrant. It was both a command and a surrender, perhaps even a peace treaty between two nations caught up in a bloody, twisted and holocaustic senseless war. Would the angina in his chest cavity ever find its surcease. "Jack." Tom whispered thricely, like a clergyman intoning the most solemn liturgical prayer. At the sound of Tom's melodious pleas, Jack looked at him with a look that shipped lakes, seas, oceans; a look that would cause the stars to fall if it were night, but it wasn't night, so the stars couldn't fall. Well, they could but because it was day no one would see them fall.

Jack longingly gazed at Tom, wishing he could dive into those yearningly sad and overcast eyes to elevate the anguish egressing from his otherwise electromagnetic presence. He longed to draw closer, to revel in his increasing dyspnoea of unbridled and unrequited passion. With his own sensitive heart palpitating almost out of his now too cumbersome ribcage, he tiptoed in hesitant steps towards him. Within reach, he clasped Tom's uniquely swine-like and powerful addendums. He found himself feigning confusion, now cognizant this was a sign of unchartered bliss and propensities to be explored. He drew a breath in, acidifying his already raw throat with emotion, his resistance growing futile, while the lyrics he had memorized fibrillated his heart, throwing him off balance.

Jack's hand haltingly fluttered toward Tom's lumberjacklike face with the rapaciousness of a young Crusader hurling himself into an onslaught of malevolent Moors, anticipating death and glory. Neither Ben, nor Kate nor anyone listed on anyone's list would stand between them now. They were ensconced in an ecumenical universe all their own, like two acorns tenuously enswathed in the branches of a mighty oak. This microcosm of the space time continuum existed only for them and no extraneous force of god nor man could encroach upon them here.

Then the door croaked like a ninety year old emphysema patient, gasping for attention. In walked Juliet with scissor-like movements, all harsh acute angles and lines. Interrupting the communion between Jack and his newest supplicant with the maniacal glee of a woman spurned and repudiated beyond all reasoning and cognitive thought. Jack's heart sank deeper than the Marianas trench, knowing that Juliet had purposefully timed her entry to achieve maximum dissatisfaction and despondency from the two XY chromosomed creatures before her. "Tom...Ben wants to speak with you." She intoned, like a headmistress eager to get out the disciplinary ruler of admonishment.

Feeling as though his promethean heart was being ripped out of his barrel chest, Tom reluctantly disengaged his appendages and walked to the door. At the door frame he hesitated for 3.4 seconds and turned back to Jack. "I'll be back with the toothpicks." He promised, a sodium chloride tear glistening in his eye for a brief second, before it vanished like a drunken virgin's virtue at a frat party. Then he was gone, striding out into the day like a fireman, full of resolve and quivering need that while not satiated, would grow with each passing nanosecond that they were apart. Read more...

When the Cat's Away...

Defamer PrivacyWatch (celebrity sightings in L.A.):

"3/30 - Matthew Fox + entourage (including big bald bodyguard in a black Killers tshirt) came out for tv on the radio at Fonda tonight. He met up there with "Nikki," (Kiele Sanchez) the new chick on Lost. I don't know her real name. He was very tall and Smurfing HOT in some tight dark gray long sleeved thin material shirt. He even had a Jack-esque black necklace on. And she was very skinny of course. I think he came with his wife, but maybe not, now that I think about it. She was some very pretty asian woman but I think his wife is hispanic. He was rocking the Smurf out and singing along to all the old TVOTR songs, and left before the encore dripping with sweat. I love this guy so much. But I was too shy to say anything to him even tho he's on my favorite TV show."

I have it on good authority that they shot 3.18 very recently, so they'd be shooting 19 or 20 right now. If it's 20 (Dharma-centric), I guess it makes sense that he's not shooting, but if it's 19...he'd have to be there." Read more...

Another Skate Post Lost

Although technically this was a Kate post, I still wanna honor it for being cruelly cut down by the Mod Squad before Gregg had a chance to peruse it. R.I.P little post that tried...

"Dear Gregg,
I am a Lurker in most of the Lost forums around the place and at the moment there seems to be one very dominant topic on the top of every bodies posts. What’s happening to Kate?
Back in season 1 she was this strong, amazing character who stood up for herself and had her own opinion, but there has been a definite decline in her strength. From that episode she morphed and slowly became the insecure, feeble, fickle character we see before us now. She seems desperate for Jack’s approval and acceptance even though he hasn’t really treated her very well, even leaving her prisoner to get himself home. Reading different peoples opinion lead me to try and pinpoint the moment this conversion began and I think it started when he reprimanded her for going against his word in The Hunting Party, since then she has become childlike whenever around Jack. Don’t get me wrong I still love her and I still think she is incredible when she is with Sayid or Locke or Hurley or Sun or anyone except when she is with Jack (and vice versa), when with him she looses that and becomes someone different entirely, its as if her strength crumbles in front of him leaving her vulnerable, belittled and unable to string two words together on her own opinion.
So my question is this for a reason? Is she meant to be coming across like this? Do Damon and Carlton have a direction for Kate? (I don’t want a spoiler a simple yes or no. So my post doesn’t get deleted.)
I’m so worried and sad for Kate’s character.
Thanks Gregg!"

Read more...

Another Skate Post Bites the Dust

Keep them PM's coming gals. The fish never sleeps. Read 'em and weep. Another post hacked to pieces with the excuse it was breaking some rule. But see for yourself what was cut out and YOU decide if it was fair enough. Poor Gregg, you are being fed a sadly sanitized version of what people really think of the show.

"Hi Gregg,

I guess I'm one of those easy to please fans of the show who really liked the send off given to Nikki and Paulo. It was a fun episode with a slightly creepy mystery undertone. Loved the CSI team of Hurley, Jin and Sawyer trying not to "mess up the crime scene". **MOD edited** (Interesting though that people were quick to suspect Sawyer again. I guess he's still reaping a bit of the Island cosmic payback for his past actions. He sure deserved that slap from Sun though.)

Let me just say that I've been enjoying the development of Sawyer's character independent of his romance with Kate. **MOD edited**(I saw some real (if small) progess in this last episode and it's heartened me to think that Sawyer might be developing more ties on the island and realising that he can't be a social outcast forever.)

I can't wait for Kate to come back into the mix though, since I really enjoy their chemistry and interaction. **MOD edited** (I'm hoping that she will see some of the changes he's made on his own.) I'm also keen to see Jack and Sawyer interact again after so much has happened. I miss their rival brothers dynamic a great deal too.

**MOD edited**(I'm still waiting for someone to acknowledge and appreciate some of Sawyer's sacrifices and bravery from the mini arc though (since Jack's has been) - you hinted that something like that was coming up. I guess I need to keep waiting and watching for it.)

My only disappointment in recent storylines has been Kate's seeming bland acceptance of Jack abandoning her (and Sayid) as a prisoner to the Others**MOD edited**.(when we know she greatly fears captivity and after the trauma she's been through at their hands. Also that she seemed to accept Jack's claim it was her fault that he trusted the Others. Am I supposed to believe she would not feel a tiny bit betrayed by his actions? It did not sit well with me at all.)

However, I will endeavour to trust that the writers know where they are going with this.

Locke the Grey is back after all, and that leaves me a happy camper for sure with this season's arc!!

P.S. I hope you had a great time at the Fuselage shinding."

HALFREK'S REASONS FOR THE MOD EDITS: Shipper stuff.

That was too shippery, Halfrek? Shipper stuff my frakking ass.

Read more...

The Lost and the Listless Strikes Again

TV Guide spoiler in Ausiello's section:

"Lots more sweaty (and presumably uncaged) sex for Kate and Sawyer."

Episode 17 description released on ABC medianet:

"CHARLIE QUESTIONS WHETHER DESMOND HAS HAD ANOTHER “FLASH” FORESHADOWING HIS DEATH WHEN COAXED INTO JOINING A TREK ACROSS THE JUNGLE, AND JEALOUSY MOTIVATES KATE TO TURN TO AN UNSUSPECTING SAWYER, ON ABC’S “LOST”

“Catch-22” – Desmond coaxes Charlie, Hurley and Jin on a trek across the jungle after experiencing one of his future-prophesizing “flashes” -- but is he purposely placing Charlie’s life in harm’s way? Meanwhile, Kate turns to an unwitting Sawyer after seeing Jack alone with Juliet, on “Lost,”
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 18 (10:00-11:00 p.m., ET), on the ABC Television Network.

“Lost” stars Naveen Andrews as Sayid, Henry Ian Cusick as Desmond, Emilie de Ravin as Claire, Michael Emerson as Ben, Matthew Fox as Jack, Jorge Garcia as Hurley, Josh Holloway as Sawyer, Daniel Dae Kim as Jin, Yunjin Kim as Sun, Evangeline Lilly as Kate, Elizabeth Mitchell as Juliet, Dominic Monaghan as Charlie and Terry O’Quinn as Locke.

Guest starring are Sonia Walger as Penny Widmore, Jack Maxwell as Derek, Joanna Bool as Ruth, Andrew Connolly as Brother Campbell, Andrew Trask as older monk and Marsha Thomason as parachutist."

Good one dudes, you've singlehandedly managed to piss off both shipper camps at the same time. My only conclusion can be that the writers hate the character of Kate and want the audience to hate her too. I'm not sure how this bodes well for Skate or Jate, since it makes Kate look like a conniving bitch, who will sleep with men for revenge. How can anyone believe her feelings are genuine and 'true' for either of the guys in this scenario. At least the Jacketeers came out pretty unscathed this time. Poor Evi, gone is her strong, resourceful, brave and compassionate girl. Instead we are left with a snivelling doormat who is passive agressive to the max, using a man who clearly loves her unconditionally to get back at a man who abandoned her with the enemy and turned to a new woman.

To which I say: Grow up, girl. And grow a frakking pair.

And I didn't think the quadrangle scenario could get any soapier or ridiculous. But I was wrong.

I can only hope that the two spoilers are not directly related. But that might just be wishful thinking on my part. And I'd rather face the reality that Kate's character is likely gonna take a nose dive into the latrine in episode 17. Read more...

Bubblehead Blind Item of the Week...Or tell me this was an April Fool's joke. Please!

No comment needed, really. Too good not to share. (I'd have thunk it was an April Fool's joke, but nooo, it's for real...)

"This isn't fanfic per se as opposed to a "Jack and Kate Diary-esque" account of my perceptions as to what J/K were thinking & feeling (in my opinion of course) during MFT, based on what happened on screen as well as their characters history.

I tried to spend some time really analyzing the scenes, & I hope folks find it accurate as well as enjoyable. ... I also interjected a few visuals for entertainment value...I guess I should say it's mainly PG maybe PG-13 ish in some parts for a twinge of stronger words.

Pardon the length & here we go.

Kate moves toward Jack like he's a timid deer ready to bolt if not approached with caution. So she stops to observe him & is taken back by the paradoxical beauty & unsettling nature of the melancholic melody resonating from his keystrokes. The domesticity of the display confusing her as to if this nuance was merely something about him she hadn't yet discovered, or a byproduct of his assimilation into the Others...He feels her presence & it disrupts his music midstream, almost as if their connection had filled him with its own metaphysical symphony, as opposed to having heard or seen her out of the corner of his eye...Shock & worry flood his senses, not only because she is here placing herself in peril, but because he couldn't believe that she had come back for him...Sarah had gone on with her life, never looking back. Her cutting words the remnants of their relationship that haunted Jack like a ghost "it doesn't matter who he is, all the matters is who you're not"...He had been left behind..by her, by Achara, by his father. And as a result Jack didn't believe he was worth returning for, let alone being loved... But here standing before him was Kate, a woman whose worst fear is arguably captivity, & more than that, who had suffered a traumatic experience at the hands of the ppl who now held him captive...This simply didn't make sense, she's in love with Sawyer, isn't she?

They stare at each other for a few moments, paralyzed with the consciousness that they're in the same space together with no physical barriers between them..Kate is especially overcome with the realization that Jack is within reach, so all her shaken nerves can manage is a timid & short winded "Hi"..Jarred out of her reverie by his biting warning "They're watching me!", her heart races & her eyes begin to well with moisture. She has to move toward him, has to touch him before the chance is taken away...He barks at her to go, but this time her rebuttal isn't an insecure I can't rather than I'm not. The subtle change in verbiage & adamant tone replacing the unsuredness of when she had first resisted leaving without him. As well as indicating the clarity she had found about her feelings for him during his absence..She had felt half alive, half of herself then, & getting him back was the only way to be whole again.

Upon the guards entering chaos ensues & Kate's path to Jack is impeded before she can confirm that he's real or feel the security of his embrace...He yells in panic for them not to hurt her & then like a storm that has come to pass, goes to that place inside himself that can only be described as an eerie calm. The sudden alteration in his demeanor serving to perplex Kate even further.. In actuality, his mind is swirling like an eddy, but out of instinct he had reigned himself in knowing he'd make the situation worse to act on what he was really feeling...Agitation, anger, & fear bubbled like lava under his surface while watching them point a gun to her head. Just like when the bearded man had pressed the cold steel against her neck in the jungle...Jack implores Kate to answer the question, & lets out a labored breath he wasn't aware he was holding when she acquiesces.

Hours go by in an eternity, but then the rickety hinges whine on the pool hall door...Kate's pupils widen & her movement stills as Tom's figure crowds the frame of the woodwork..."I didn't think I'd see you again so soon, Kate"..Her adams apple stalls & muscles tense, until Jack comes into view, then an irregular pulse is added to the mix...And as quickly as they were separated, Jack & Kate are alone.

Jack stands near the entrance trying to gage how close to her he should could get. Both because he is cognizant they are listening & watching, but also because he knows that when it comes to Kate, his resistance is low. One look into the emerald of her eyes, one glance at the curve of her lips & it would unravel him, & he couldn't afford that now. Not for the sake of his plan, & surely not for the sake of his heart. He had to keep his distance & there weren't any glass walls here to do it for him. So he grabbed a metal chair & set it what seems like miles away from Kate...A slight pause, then he spoke in a detached manner that betrayed the recollection going through his mind of how her face had contorted & became stained with tears asking her the same thing just days ago.. "Did they hurt you?"..He did care, didn't want to because it hurt too damn much, but he did. And he especially didn't want them or her to see it...She volleyed his words back to him & the awkwardness of the exchange wasn't lost on either of them. What was normally their system of checking in with each other, had become a measuring tool as to where they stood with one another.

Kate couldn't wrap her brain around what was happening here...this wasn't him, this wasn't her Jack. They had to have done something to him & the mere thought of it incensed her. So she pressed on as he had in the Hydra, desperate & determined to get the truth. .."What did they do to you?".."Nothing".."Then why are you acting like this?"..Jack felt a tinge of discomfort, like he had been pricked with a barbed needle. She had struck the sharp note in him he had been trying so hard to avoid. The one that threw the rest of his song out of balance, & for as much as it stung, it was a warning he was letting himself feel again...He couldn't possibly explain what it was like to see her lying naked on Sawyer's chest; how that had made his heart seem as if it were being squeezed in a vice until it would implode,...The way it had crushed his hope for a life with her that he couldn't believe she had made him dream about,..How he loved her beyond what he thought was possible & wanted her to be happy, but couldn't bear to watch her be with another man...And that he was powerless now to help anyone except to leave the island to bring rescue... It was all just too complicated to verbalize so he tripped over his tongue...Kate wasn't satisfied with his answer...She needed to know, needed to understand. She had risked her life to bring him home, but it wasn't that that made frustration & anxiety stick to her insides like molasses. It was feeling like he was slipping away from her...Her mercury rose in an useless exercise to cauterize the fear "I came here to help you so why don't you just tell me..", but her sentence was eclipsed by the release of pressure that had been building in Jack since she had asked him why... "I told you not to come back here for me!!"..."I didn't think you meant it"...But he did for a plethora of reasons that slowly began to wash up over his features.

She had never seen him like this..broken, as vulnerable as a lost little boy, & like the light had syphoned out of his spirit. It scared her despite her first instinct being to wrap him in her arms & tell him it would be alright, as he had done for her many times in the past..She hated that he was in so much pain & would do anything to fix it. But in this rare glimpse into the side of him he kept guarded, she knew he would retreat to where she couldn't reach if she didn't close the gap between them gradually. Not to mention there was still a part of her that was afraid this was not the man she knew & loved. So she stepped forward tentatively, carefully watching his face to determine how close he'd permit her come.

Jack's body stayed statuesque in contrast to his mind which had launched into conscious REM as he struggled to keep himself in an emotional straight jacket. Emulated externally by his crossed arms. He jumped at Kate's touch as if an electric pulse had been shot through him, although his internal dialogue resisted No, I can't...but it's Kate...As she kneeled down his eyelids fluttered in rapid succession like a metronome trying to pace his surge of emotions in vain, & his hand involuntarily opened before he could process her proximity. He was holding on again. He couldn't let go of her anymore than she could leave him behind.

Jack forced his lungs to take in air & his swallow abraded his throat since it had been rendered dry the moment she had gotten near...Kate shut her eyes & exhaled in response to the feeling of having finally made contact with him...They hovered inches apart, the heat of their breath like tractor beams longing to draw them closer..She is the first to raise her head & Jack reluctantly follows. He knows he will not be able to withstand this for much longer, he's losing control. And his temple still hurts from the swirling thoughts about what all of this means..."What did they do to you Jack?"..In one last attempt to maintain his distance, he calls upon the compartmentalization he's often used as a doctor to deliver his next line as matter of factly as possible.. "I made a deal with them.. they're going to let me go"...Kate crinkles her brow in feigned confusion. "Where?". She knows where, it's just her extraordinary capacity for denial & propensity for self punishment that needs to hear it out loud...Jack didn't want to do this, didn't want to see the look on her face, so it takes him awhile to gather the strength to formulate the word. He has to smile to himself & her by default at the absurdity of it. Sure he wanted to get off the island, but not this way. They had both been dreading this day ever since they sat by the campfire what seemed like a lifetime ago. His arm tender like a broken wing, resting in the slipshod sling she had made for him..It was perverse irony that he was leaving alone, but he felt like he had no choice- it was their only option, so he said it...."Home"...Home to what? It was wherever she was. Then again he reminded himself that was part of the reason he thought it was best that he go.

Kate froze & she immediately felt the salt of tears start to burn her irises....Jack searched her face, grimacing at how the sweet/sour juxtaposition of love/anguish distorted her delicate features. He knew Kate cared for him deeply, but what he saw in her eyes made him question if it was more than he had thought...All she could do was nod & chew on her lip to pacify the urge to plead with him to stay, because for as much as it hurt like hell to let him go, she really did want him to be free of this place. If anyone deserved it, it was Jack.

They couldn't look at each other anymore, the emotion was too raw, & it was like if they did it would give credence to the fact he was leaving..When?.."First thing in the morning"...Sensing her pain Jack had to do something to make it better.."I can bring back help it's our best chance"... "You trust these people? Why would you...." ..Suddenly his resolve snapped like a twig. "I trust them because you told me to, Kate..when you, asked me to save Sawyer's life.". He hadn't intended to let it slip out, hadn't wanted to hurt her. Actually he had done everything he could to avoid it..Damn it why did she have to come back here? But the truth was while he wasn't blaming her for the position he was in, it was none the less factoring into his decision.

Reality hit Kate like a freight train. The Others didn't hurt Jack, I did . She felt her throat close in on itself & it was as if her ribcage had become too small for her chest. This was much worse than the numerous regrets she had in her life, including sleeping with Sawyer. She didn't know whether to panic that Jack might know, or to take it as a twisted compliment that his feelings for her had had such an impact on him...Either way, something had shifted inside her the couple weeks they were separated. Gone was the need to run, to hide. Kate was prepared to fight for Jack even if that meant battling her demons, so she changed positions until they were face to face.."Jack, what did they tell you?". She needed know what he did, & to set the record straight on any truth that the Others had manipulated. And she was so focused on doing so, that she nearly missed how Jack was longingly staring at her.

Almost as if on que, the hall door whined again like an attention starved brat & the blond woman entered.. Jack & Kate clung to each other, tightening their grips as if they anticipated the purpose for the intrusion..."Jack, we have to go"... Kate clenched her jaw, listening intently in hopes that he would reject the summons..I'll be right there. In an instant, it felt like the wind had been knocked out of her...When Jack turned around he was disappointed to find that she had spun on her heels & pulled away. And he lamented about how his hands grew colder as they adjusted to being without the warmth of hers.

Kate didn't know what to do with herself. Didn't know how to sit, how to feel, what to say. He wasn't even gone yet & already it was like everything had spun off its axis, making her nauseous & disoriented....Seeing her pained, Jack's voice trembled as he choked back emotion in order to softly speak.. "I told you not to come back here for me & I wish, I wish that you hadn't"..It was both blatantly honest & a lie at the same time, & she ached at the sound of it, shaking her head in disbelief as if would make the feeling go away...Above all Jack hadn't wanted her to go through being held captive again & he especially didn't want her harmed. He wouldn't leave until he was guaranteed she'd be safe. But his words also reflected how he had known that it would gauge his heart out with a dull blade to see her & be reminded of what he witnessed on those monitors. Oddly enough though, since she had gotten here he was reminded of something else..how much he loves her. There was no disdain or disgust when he looked into her eyes, so the pain caused by her ignoring his plea to not come back, took on another meaning now. Namely if he had underestimated her feelings for him & how damn hard it was to say goodbye. Even in having the comfort that he'd return soon..There wasn't any question in his mind that rescue was the top priority, so for that reason alone it was necessary to follow through with his decision. Although he couldn't help but have residual doubt as to if he could trust Ben...Too exhausted & beaten down to wrestle with his mind, it came down to one thing, he had to, which ironically made him understand why Kate had said the same thing to him once. And it was in part what he meant by I trust them because you told me to.

Wanting to give her one last reassurance that everything would be ok, Jack closed the distance between them...Sensing him behind her, her stomach tied itself in knots & her body rose when she felt his tepid breath caress her ear. Then in a tender yet furtive whisper, he made his own promise that he had every intention of keeping..I will come back here for you...A shiver ricocheted off her vertebrae down the length of her spine. As usual his voice had an effect on her she couldn't explain. Not the least of which was imparting hope despite the knowledge he would never find this place again burning a hole in her conscience & heart.

Reluctantly Jack made his way to the door & Kate tried to focus on anything but the deafening sound of the man she loved walking out of her life forever...He paused, feeling like something wasn't quite right, but then pushed on through his instincts as he did the exit. He was gone, or so Kate thought. Little did she know that nothing in the world would keep them apart. Not in this life, or the next." Read more...